


Home

by SnazzyCookies



Series: Alteration [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Blackrom, Hatesex, M/M, lovesex, redrom, some violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-22
Updated: 2012-09-21
Packaged: 2017-11-14 19:07:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 34,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/518537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnazzyCookies/pseuds/SnazzyCookies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Karkat and Eridan rescue Sollux from the clutches of the Condesce, they bring him physically back to his hive.  But his mind and spirit are still with her, and it takes the caring of all the trolls around him, especially the black hate of Eridan and red love of Karkat,  to bring Sollux truly back home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RobotSquid](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RobotSquid/gifts).



### Home

Okay so because of this prompt, I went and read Host. It was awesomely written and completely heartbreaking and now I can't get healing Sollux out of my head, so here you go.  
____________________________________________________________  
  
Sollux drifted in and out of consciousness for the next few days as his beaten and exhausted body fought the fever. He remembered bits and pieces of waking up on the beach, of sleeping in the cave, of Karkat and Eridan taking turns piggy-backing him all the way back to his respite block in his communal hive stem.  
  
Of the terrified concerned whines of his bicyclops lusus upon seeing his condition, and of his relief that his lusus really was okay, unstarved and healthy if not overly agitated. Eridan had fed him for him. Eridan had kept his bees, too; while Karkat had tirelessly called upon every friend and acquaintance they had in order to search for him. And find him. And save him.  
  
Sollux lay in a stupor in his recooperacoon. The slime was comforting when he let his head rest just above the surface, taking in the familiar light of his room, the comforting sound of his bees humming away as they worked, the soft whine of his husktop and the regular, irritated clicking of Karkat typing away.   
  
But, though he fought with all his strength to stay awake, he was too sick and weak and sleep overtook him. Then he would slip so that his head slid into the enclosing slime and then, it was horrible. Then he was back in _her_ recooperacoon, her body surrounding him, smothering him, holding him tightly so he could not escape. In the darkness, in the slime, he could hear her breathing; in his dreams he could see her, hovering far off in a dream bubble, taunting him, beckoning him from beyond the reaches of death.  
  
He always woke up screaming.  
  
Karkat always came running.  
  
"Shhhh, shhhhh..." Karkat said, his hands gently stroking through Sollux's slime-drenched hair, as Sollux heard the soft thumping of his lusus' monstrous feet from the ceiling above him saying _I'm here, it's okay._  
  
Sollux sank back into the slime and rested, the line of the surface cutting across his chin as he groaned.  
  
His stomach growled.

He remembered how she would never feed him enough. It wasn't like she did it on purpose, he reminded himself. She just forgot, because she did not need to eat nearly as often as he did, with his inferior blood and his being so very young. Sometimes, if he asked her nicely, she would let him eat something.  
  
"May I have something to eat, Empress?" he asked weakly, as she continued to stroke his hair gently, fondly.  
  
"What the fuck kind of question is that?!" Karkat's loud voice pierced his thoughts and left him confused. What was Karkat doing on the Empress' ship? Did she bring him here? "If this is your idea of a joke, Captor, I will personally rip the humor part of your thinkpan out of your skull!"  
  
Sollux's dead heart leapt alive and his eyes flew open, not to see his Empress, but his Karkat. For half a second he was disappointed, then afraid, and then great waves of relieve and joy washed over him. He was home. He was safe.  
  
"KK." he said softly. "I'm so hungry."  
  
Karkat snorted.  
  
"Well fuck, at least _that's_ something I know how to fix." he said. "Eridan, get your lazy ass in here!" he shouted towards the door. Eridan? Eridan was still here, too?  
  
Sollux saw the form of the seatroll appear in his doorway, his face snarling and angry. He and Karkat argued for awhile about who got to stay with him, and who had to go down to the kitchen to get Sollux something to eat. Finally, Eridan turned and left and they were left alone again.  
  
"Why the fuck did you call me 'Empress'?" Karkat snarled.  
  
"I'm sorry, Empress. I didn't mean it, Empress. I won't say it again, I promise, please don't hurt me this time." Sollux mumbled out of habit, his fever keeping his mind from fully grasping reality.  
  
Just before he faded back into sleep again he did notice, however, the odd expression on Karkat's face. It struck him, even in the state he was in, that he'd never seen anything like it on KK's face before. He was gazing down at Sollux with pain, and love, and sorrow, his lip curled down in a deep frown and his eyes were...tearing up?   
  
Sollux knew the word for the expression, and though his mind was tired he forced himself to think of it before he drifted off again. Karkat was looking at him with _pity_. Deep, moving pity, as if all he wanted to do was hold Sollux forever and make it better, like a lover, like a mate... the thought crashed against an invisible wall as he refused to think that horrible, awful word. No, not ever, ever again, would Sollux Captor think or utter that horrible, awful word.  
  
By the time Eridan finally came back, he was asleep again.

_______________________________________________  
  
Sollux's fever broke after a few days. He finally started to stay awake for significant amounts of time; and his appetite finally returned. A week later he had the strength to climb out of his recooperacoon, though all he did was lumber over to his couch, sit on it covered in slime, and wrap a blanket around himself.  
  
"Great idea, fuckass; now I have to wash everything you've just slimed all over. Week-old fucking slime, too. Can you be more disgusting?"  
  
"KK?"  
  
"Yeah?" His voice was soft and gentle all of a sudden. He walked over and knelt down next to Sollux, looking him in his eyes, with that expression on his face again. That "you are the most pitiful thing I've ever seen" expression.   
  
"KK, shut up." Sollux said, and Karkat grinned and ruffled his hair.  
  
"So glad you're feeling better, nooksniffer. You had me worried."  
  
Karkat got up and lent Sollux his hand.  
  
"Now get your ass up, we're going to clean you off."  
  
"Yes, Emp...Karkat."   
  
Karkat frowned.  
  
"I'm sorry. I'm just so used to it." Sollux said.   
  
"Well fuck, we'll get it out of you. Come on."  
  
Sollux didn't argue as he took Karkat's strong hand in his. He didn't have the will or strength to argue, with anybody, over anything. He was used to just doing as he was told. It was easy. It felt right.  
  
Karkat yanked him into the bathroom and started to draw a hot bath. Sollux sighed heavily as the steam filled the air. Karkat lifted his hands to Sollux's waist and started to raise his slime-covered shirt. Sollux obediently raised his arms above his head; he put up no resistance as Karkat stripped him, down to nothing, down to his naked flesh. He was quite used to it; she would undress him whenever she felt like it and he was not permitted to hide his shame. So he felt none.  
  
That, and it was just Karkat, his best friend; his hero and rescuer. Sollux looked up at Karkat's face and for a moment, felt a flicker of pale, red affection for him. Karkat was treating him exactly like a morail; taking tender care of him, being strength for him when he had none himself, helping him heal. But he halted that thought in it's tracks. Karkat already had a morail. Karkat's pale quadrant was taken. Sollux's face fell.  
  
His eyes glanced over at the pile of slimy clothes that had just been removed from his body, and he saw the condition of his shirt. It had been torn down the middle and then re-sewn back together, haphazardly, and the memory of her threatening him with that needle as she sewed came back to him in full force.  
  
He doubled over and vomited, the half-chewed sandwich Eridan had made for him coating Karkat's shoes. He passed out.

__________________________________________________  
  
For the next few weeks, Karkat spent his time focusing on healing Sollux's body. On getting him healthy, on getting him strong. Kanaya was over today and the plan was for her to re-brake the fingers on his left hand and then set the bones properly, so they would heal correctly and he would hopefully be able to bend those fingers again.  
  
He grit his teeth as she gripped his fingers in her own.  
  
"Are you ready?"  
  
"Fuck no." Sollux said. Karkat squeezed his other hand tightly. Eridan sat across the room from him, legs crossed like a lady, scarf tossed behind his neck. His eyes bored directly into Sollux's as Kanaya tried to steal up her courage to break Sollux's fingers.  
  
He braced himself and shut his eyes.  
  
Nothing happened.  
  
He opened them again and saw Kanaya staring down at him, biting her lower lip with guilt.  
  
"I'm sorry, Sollux, I just...uh...um...this is difficult to do." she said. Eridan snorted.  
  
"Let me do it." he said, rising to his feet. "I've been wwanting to break this landdweller's fuckin' bones forever."  
  
"Fuck you." Sollux replied, working up a pretty nice sized ball of spit which flew directly at Eridan's face as he approached. Eridan grinned and wiped it away with his fingers.  
  
"You're gonna fuckin' pay for that." he said, and he grabbed Sollux's hand in his. "I'm gonna make you fuckin scream like a little wwiggler, oh man I've been wwaitin to do this for so many sweeps..."  
  
"Fuck you, I'm not gonna make a damn sound." Sollux said. He looked up into Eridan's face, and their eyes met, and the challenge was set. Sollux felt the stirrings of black feelings in him just a few seconds before that excruciating, yet very familiar pain raced up his arm as he heard his bones snap.  
  
He tilted his head back in agony, his mouth opening wide as if to scream, but not a single breath of sound came out. Eridan frowned and did the next one, a playful scowl on his face, and Sollux felt himself growing warm.

Her Imperious Condescension had done this to him out of boredom, or entertainment, or playful cruelty, or just out of insanity; he wasn't sure. But Eridan...Eridan was doing it out of _hate_ , pure, innocent black hate, the way a troll enjoying breaking his rivals' fingers _should_ feel. And Sollux was accepting his challenge and throwing it right back in his fucking face by not uttering a single ounce of sound, as he gripped Karkat's hand tightly with his good fingers and every muscle in his body tensed as his eyes were locked onto Eridan's gaze.  
  
When it was over, Sollux lay panting on the table, silent, screamless. He grinned.  
  
"Told you I can take whatever you can dith out, fith boy." he said, the words sounding breathy as they left his lips, his lisp returning as his mind was too busy thinking about other things. He noticed the purple blush in Eridan's cheeks. He felt a similar heat in his own.  
  
"Fuck, Sol. That was the best rivalry I've ever had the pleasure of losin to..."  
  
"Kith me already, dammit." Sollux demanded. For the first time in his life 'after', he dared to demand something. He dared it because the feelings inside him, the situation surrounding him, was so completely unlike anything he'd felt around her. Oh, yes, he'd hated her; he'd hated her with all of his heart, but it had been platonic hate, sick and twisted and ugly and useless hate, and she had never returned it.   
  
But Eridan did, with full force, and then his salty lips were pressed against Sollux's as he lay on the table, warm and desperate and alive. Yeah, he tasted like a seatroll- by now Sollux had kissed three of them and so he knew the flavor- but he was also distinctly different from the Empress, and Feferi; enough so that the kiss brought back no old memories for him, only creating pleasant new, black feelings that rose in his heart and came out of his mouth in a smirk.  
  
"Damn, so dethprate." He said, and Eridan snickered as he pulled back.  
  
"Speak for yourself." he said, and then he retreated back to his seat, and that was when Sollux finally remembered that Kanaya and Karkat were still there, watching the whole scene unfold.  
  
Sollux turned to look at Karkat's face, and he laughed at his expression, at his mouth dropped, hanging open. Sollux giggled.  
  
"Thorry, KK." he said, feeling too good and light-hearted to care about his lisp. "I guess you didn't need to thee that."  
  
Karkat snapped his jaw closed. He snarled at Kanaya.  
  
"Just hurry up and fix him so I can get him home and away from this pervert that has corrupted his mind."  
  
Sollux only grinned as Kanaya went to work, and each time he hissed from the pain he caught a glimpse of Eridan shooting a look of satisfaction his way. Sollux smiled. He was falling in hate; he was going to have a kismesis, and it didn't bother him in the slightest that it was with Eridan. He couldn't stand Eridan; and that thought sent a new blush to his cheeks as he realized that he'd probably been returning Eridan's hatecrush for awhile. For the first time since 'after', he felt truly alive again. He was starting to feel whole.


	2. Chapter 2

___________________________________________________________  
  
She still plagued his dreams. He could not fall asleep without her there, laughing at him, mocking him.  
  
"You can't ever get away, my little matesprit. You are mine, to do with as I please, and I promise I will never, ever leave you."  
  
She reached out the tendrils of her hair, wrapping them around his wrists and ankles, holding him captive as she came closer to force him into a kiss. And he had to obey. He had to comply; he had to pretend to like it or she would hurt him.  
  
He woke up screaming again, and in the full brightness of the day, Karkat was there, holding him, stroking him, pitying him. Sollux felt pale red feelings seep through his heart as he wrapped his arms around his best friend and sobbed like a wiggler. Oh, he was so pale for Karkat now it wasn't even funny; he knew he was useless to Karkat as a morail, but Karkat was still acting like one for him anyway, and he wanted to tell him. He wanted to tell someone. He didn't want the darkness to live inside only his own mind anymore.  
  
"Bad dreams again?" Karkat said, and Sollux nodded and pulled back.  
  
"More like memorieth." he said softly, and Karkat gave him that look, that look that said "holy shit, you poor thing", but Sollux could not return the feeling. Karkat was strong; there was nothing pitiful about him; so all Sollux felt was the pale red of morailship. Guilt ate at him; he knew Karkat was taken...but Sollux needed to talk. He _needed_ to...and so he would ask. He would ask Karkat to listen, like a morail, and leave it up to him...  
  
"Kk..." he said softly.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I...um...uh..."  
  
"Spit it out, it's fucking the dead of day and I'm tired."  
  
"Can I tell you? The things she did to me?"  
  
He looked up at Karkat's face and saw his deep frown. His perpetual worry. His absolute affection.  
  
"Of course. That's what I'm here for."  
  
Sollux's stomach tightened. Holy shit, Karkat _was_ being his morail; he was cheating on Gamzee; Sollux was making his friend be unfaithful...  
  
"What about...um...Gamzee?"  
  
Karkat looked at him strangely.  
  
"He's fine. I talked to him just before we went to bed, why?"  
  
"Um...no reason, I geth."  
  
Karkat shook his head, like he did often, as if this was just one more of Sollux's weird quirks that he'd developed in his life 'after'. And then Karkat climbed up, and Sollux moved over to let him in, and Karkat was climbing into his recooperacoon with him. He wrapped his arms around him, and it was nothing like her at all.  
  
Karkat was warm. He was the same size as Sollux and so didn't surround him; instead, his embrace was comforting and consoling, there only if Sollux wanted it, and not there if he didn't. Sollux sighed heavily and rested his head against Karkat's chest, and Karkat reached up a hand to stroke his hair.   
  
"She uthed to hold me like thith." he said, his voice tight, his body tensing as he remembered. He buried his face into Karkat's chest. "She uthed to pet my head, just like you're doing..."  
  
Karkat pulled his hand away. Sollux hadn't realized how good it had felt until he stopped.   
  
"No...go back." he pleaded, his voice small and soft. He heard Karkat's breath hitch in his throat, and his best friend swallowed heavily before his fingers returned tentatively to stroke Sollux's hair once again.   
  
Sollux sighed with relief. It felt amazing to have Karkat hold him, and he didn't care if he was stealing him away from Gamzee at the moment; he needed him, he needed his best friend.  
  
"It wasn't like thith." Sollux said. "She was inthane. One minute she'd be petting me and telling me how much she loved me and how adorable I was, and the next minute she'd be tying my arms around my back and locking me inthide a moldy old wardrobe. Then she'd punish me for getting sick. So I'd...I'd...to appease her, I'd..."  
  
He felt bile rise in his throat and he willed it down. He did _not_ want to puke inside his recooperacoon.

"It's okay. You can tell me. I have an idea of what that nookstain bitch did anyway." Karkat said, his voice sending waves of comfort through Sollux, red, red, pale red feelings swam through him and Sollux curled into his arms like a wiggler.  
  
"I'd kith her; all the time, ugh her lips were so groth, she tasted like dead fish and she was so fucking cold, but it usually calmed her down and that was how I kept her from bringing you there, that was how I kept her from getting you..."  
  
"What?" Karkat snapped.  
  
"She...I...uh..."  
  
Holy shit, he had never meant to say this part.   
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Bull fucking shit, you wanted to talk and you're not getting out of it now. You're not stopping there."  
  
"Yeth I am."  
  
Karkat grabbed Sollux's face and turned it to face him.  
  
"I fucking swear on my dead ancestor, whoever he was, that I'm gonna drag this shit out of you so I can stomp all over it and beat it into fucking pulp so you're normal again. You're gonna tell me every fucking thing that happened."  
  
Sollux's bottom lip quivered. Strong, pale red feelings swirled through him. And then he felt tired. Don't argue, don't disagree; just do as you're told.  
  
"Yeth, Karkat." he said. He sighed heavily, and shut his eyes, because he couldn't look Karkat in the face when he said this part.  
  
"I geth I talk in my sleep." he said.   
  
"No you don't." Karkat said.  
  
Sollux's muscles tensed. Of course. Of course he didn't. She'd fucking lied; she'd made it all up; the only time he'd ever uttered Karkat's name was that one time when he'd been dragged out of the room with the functional husktop. She'd just wanted to torture him with it. She'd just wanted to make him suffer.  
  
"Well, she told me I did." he said softly. "She told me I kept thaying your name in my thleep. That I kept calling for you..."  
  
Sollux grabbed Karkat's shirt in his fists and held onto the cloth tightly. Karkat tightened his arms around him.  
  
"After I pestered you that one time..."  
  
"Oh Gog, that was the worst day of my life, Sol, finding out you were in trouble and not being able to do a damn, nooksniffing thing about it..."  
  
Sollux felt Karkat's arms tighten around him again. Holding onto him, keeping him safe. Sollux's pale red feelings grew and made him warm, and he ignored the guilt that came with it. He took a deep breath.  
  
"After that, she wouldn't drop it. She wouldn't let me forget about you. She threatened me with bringing you there, she said she would go and kill you and bring your bloody horns back to show me as proof, if I was bad..."  
  
"That doesn't even make any fucking sense. How the fuck would she know what I looked like or how to find me or..."  
  
"I know. But you don't understand, I just...believed her. It worked, okay? It worked, and I believed her, and I fucking kissed her that time to keep her from killing you. That was the first time I...the first time I...told her we were mate..."  
  
He stopped. He couldn't say the word. It was a horrible, awful, evil word and he would never, ever say it again.  
  
"Matesprits?"  
  
Sollux cringed.  
  
"Yeah. I told her that. It was a lie, okay? I...I never felt any pity for her...okay, maybe I did, in my darkest, most twisted moments, I guess I...I guess, I mean, she was insane and I guess she was making me go insane..."  
  
"Stick to the story, Sol. Just tell me the shit that happened and get it overwith."  
  
Sollux nodded and shut his eyes.  
  
"She locked me in a closet as punishment for talking to you, and then...then I got sick, and she gave me some disgusting medicine, and then that's when she said I was calling your name in my sleep, and she punished me for it, uh..."  
  
He paused, and buried his face in Karkat's chest, and wasn't able to continue.  
  
"Did she...um...uh...like, rape you, or anything?" Karkat said, the discomfort in his voice very apparent.  
  
"Well yeth, lots of times, but not that time. That wasn't as bad as this time."  
  
He felt Karkat stop breathing.

"I shouldn't be telling you this...we're not morials..." _I'm making you cheat on Gamzee_  
  
"Damn straight we're not fucking morails. Keep talking."  
  
"Yes, Karkat..."  
  
Sollux winced.  
  
"She made me...me...she thought...she thought, I guess, that I had red flushed feelings for you, or thomething, instead of pale red..."  
  
He felt Karkat stiffen, but he ignored it and continued.  
  
"I...she....she made me, uh...um...mathurbate. With her, um, watching. Um, while...while I thaid your name."  
  
Sollux's stomach wretched. He curled into a ball and fought the urge to vomit again.  
  
Karkat's arms were around him, strong and angry.   
  
"That fucking nookstain-sniffing, grubwaste-sucking, ass-eating, seedflap-kissing _bitch_." Karkat snarled. "If you'd have left any molecule of her putrid body left, I'd run over and desecrate it myself, _right now_."  
  
Sollux smiled softly as Karkat's...Karkat-ness declared itself in full force.   
  
"I...I felt tho ashamed, I kept...I kept apologizing to you, for thinking of you like that...I'm...I'm thorry."  
  
Karkat's hands balled into fists, his nails digging slightly into Sollux's back, and Sollux took comfort in his anger, so familiar, so... _right_.  
  
"You have nothing to apologize for. Now keep talking."  
  
Karkat's forgiveness came too easily, even for friends as close as they were. His support, his encouragement, was too much, and Sollux felt those red pale feelings rise in him again.  
  
"I think...I've said enough. I can stop here." he said.  
  
"Bull fucking shit. You need to get all of this out of you. I'll sit here and listen for an entire fucking sweep if that's what it takes. Keep going."  
  
Sollux shut his eyes, the red pale feelings overwhemling him, glowing in his cheeks. The guilt welled up right behind it, and he clenched his jaw.  
  
"Thop, you're cheating on Gamzee." he said. Karkat's cheek twitched, his face staring in utter disbelief as he tried to process Sollux's statement, which appeared to be out of left field from his point of view.  
  
"What?" he spat.  
  
"You're...you're being such a good morail to me..."  
  
"I am fucking not."  
  
"Yeth you are, you're..."  
  
"Sollux, I've been living with you for two months, doing nothing but taking care of you without you doing a damn thing for me in return, if that is a morialship it is the fucking worst one ever to occur in history."  
  
"I...I'm thorry..."   
  
His chest heaved as he fought the urge to cry.  
  
"Sollux, dammit! I fucking pity you like pity has never been felt by any troll that was ever born. You're the most pathetic thing I've ever seen, broken into a hundred bits and all I want to do is put you back together."  
  
"...what?"  
  
___________________________________________  
  
Sollux turned to look at Karkat with wide eyes.  
  
"Sollux, come _on_. Do you really think I would cheat on Gamzee, my motherfucking best friend?"  
  
"No...I..."  
  
"Give me a little fucking credit. And people don't move fucking in with their morails. People move in with their mate..."  
  
"Don't say it!" Sollux cried, his hands shooting up to cover his ears. "Don't say it, no, no, you can't be that, you can't be that, you're not that!"  
  
He saw the hurt that flickered across Karkat's face and shut his eyes to ignore it. "We're friends, just friends, it's pale, and I'm sorry!"  
  
Sollux wriggled out of Karkat's grasp and climbed out of his recooperacoon. He stumbled across the floor and into the bathroom, where he slammed the door, sat down on the toilet, and started to sob.  
  
"...Sol?"  
  
"I'm thorry. I'm thorry! I'm thorry..." he said, curling into a ball and slipping down onto the floor. The door opened. He'd forgotten to lock it. Karkat came in and sank to the floor beside him, and pulled him into his arms once again.  
  
"It's okay. We're just friends, then. I swear. Not morails, not matesprits, we're not in a quadrant; we're just friends."  
  
Sollux had nothing to say, but he only nodded as he sobbed on the floor, his heart broken, his quadrants broken, and his broken-ness causing Karkat pain and still, Karkat stayed, and held him through the rest of the day on the bathroom floor, until the moon rose.  
_____________________________________________


	3. Chapter 3

Sollux spent almost a normal amount of time awake, now, instead of sleeping through the entire night. He was still basically useless as a troll; he spent most of his hours staring at the TV, watching shitty shows and reruns until Karkat brought his entire movie collection over. They'd sit together on the couch, a bowl of popped grubeggs between them, munching for hours. Karkat always let Sollux choose the movie. He tended to pick only blackrom films, but that was okay with him. Anything to make him get out of his recooperacoon was okay with him.  
  
He at least was starting to look _physically_ healthy again. He put on some weight and stopped looking like a sack of bones with skin, and became his usual twig-self again. The color was back in his face, too; and Karkat found himself staring at the cute yellow blush in his cheeks whenever a hate-makeout scene came on the screen.  
  
"Thinking about Eridan?" Karkat teased.  
  
"Shut the fuck up, KK." He said, but the blush in his cheeks darkened. Karkat snickered.  
  
"Why don't you invite the asshole over sometime? I mean, you guys haven't seen each other since that passionately wild kiss..."  
  
"Maybe it's because I'm uthleth as a kithmethith when I thill have thith on my fucking hand!" he shouted, gesturing at the cast that rendered all of his left digits immobile.  
  
"Oh, I don't think you are at all. I think Eridan would perfectly enjoy defeating you while he has the chance. Here, why don't I invite him over?" Karkat said, yanking Sollux's husktop off of his lap.  
  
"Hey!" Sollux said, diving for the husktop, but Karkat only turned his back to him and began typing furiously.  
  
"How long does it take you to type with one hand, anyway? Fifty years?"  
  
"Karkat, give that back!"  
  
"Nope. I'm tired of you moping around the hive doing nothing productive. I'm inviting him over. He'll get you off your ass."  
  
"KK, I thwear...!"  
  
"Damn, it's cute how your lisp gets worse when you're mad..." Karkat said, almost subconsciously, because his attention was occupied by trying to type to Eridan under Sollux's handle.   
  
Sollux stopped moving when Karkat said that, though. He slowly sank back down to the couch and sat, his eyes misting over. Feferi used to say things like that to him. Aradia, too. About how they'd liked his lisp. How they found it cute. And he'd kinda sorta liked it, too, that was, until she started to punish him for it, and he learned to speak without it all of the time...  
  
Karkat put the husktop down on the coffee table with satisfaction.  
  
"There, he'll be over in a couple min..."  
  
He saw translucent yellow tears dripping down Sollux's face.  
  
"Sol?" he asked, his entire tone changed now, the crabbiness completely gone.  
  
Sollux didn't reply, but only stared at a spot of nothing on the floor.  
  
"Sol, whatever I said, I..."  
  
"You're so flushed red for me it's not even funny." he said softly. A deep blush rose to Karkat's cheeks as he glanced uncomfortably at the legs of the coffee table.  
  
"Well, I mean, yeah. I mean, I told you that."  
  
"But here we are, pretending that's not true, because I can't fucking handle it."  
  
"Whatever, I don't care. I just want to make you get better, okay? That's it."  
  
Sollux wrapped his arms around and hugged himself tightly.  
  
"But that's not fair; I'm being an asshole; I can't return any flushed feelings so I should reject you properly so you can find a real ma..ma...flushed-quadrant troll, but I don't, I keep you around, using your pity so I don't feel lonely. I'm such an asshole, stringing you along like thith..."  
  
Karkat's arms were wrapped tightly around Sollux's shoulders in an instant, and Sollux gratefully leaned into Karkat's embrace as he started to sob.

 

"Stop this bullshit, right now. Forget my feelings; they're not important. We've got to get you better, and quadrants or not, I'm your best friend and I'm here for you cause I _want_ to be, bulgeface. You don't have a say in the matter. You can't get rid of me. I'm gonna be a thorn in your fucking side until you're so damn healthy you'll be able to write a comedic film script about this whole fucking thing."  
  
Sollux's sobs quieted, though he still sniffled into Karkat's shirt, getting tears and snot all over it like a wiggler.  
  
"What if I never get healthy?" he asked softly.  
  
"Then I guess I'm never fucking leaving." Karkat replied. Sollux opened his arms and squeezed Karkat tightly, holding him close, his eyes squeezed tightly shut.  
  
"KK, I love you. I can't pity you at all, and I'm sorry, but you're still the most important troll in my life and I love you."  
  
He felt Karkat's heart, so close to his chest, so he knew that it beat faster when he said that line, and the guilt of stringing along his best friend only rose.  
  
"I love you too, grubsucker." he said.  
  
"Oh my cod, excuse me wwhile I crash this miserable pity-party." Eridan's voice said from the front doorway.  
  
"Well fuck, looks like I forgot to lock the front door." Karkat said. Sollux knew he was being set up, but he didn't care as feelings of deep annoyance and hatred welled up inside him anyway. He turned around and snarled in Eridan's direction.  
  
"Who the fuck invited you, athhole?" he spat.  
  
" _You_ did, fishshit. Or did you forget how flirtatious you were ten minutes ago already?"  
  
Sollux turned to Karkat and glared.  
  
"What the fuck did you make me say!?"  
  
Karkat only grinned and shrugged.  
  
"Oh, gonna blame your cute lines on him noww, are you? I'll have you know that nobody flirts with Eridan Ampora and then gets away wwith leavin' him hangin'."  
  
Sollux turned around and sneered at Eridan's annoying, irritating face.  
  
"I'm not blaming anything on him! He really _did_ impersonate me, or are you to thtupid to realize how fast he was typing?!"  
  
Eridan leaned against the doorframe and only raised his eyebrows suggestively at Sollux.  
  
"I just figured you wwere so desperately horny you wwere able to type faster, even wwith just one hand." he said. "I mean, I knoww how irresistible I am, and frankly I don't knoww how you've been able to go wwithout me for an entire wweek like this..."  
  
"Holy shit, you're _completely_ resistible! You're about the most resistible thing that ever walked on the face of Alternia!" Sollux shouted, flying to his feet as he snarled in Eridan's direction. Eridan only lifted his hand in front of his face to casually inspect his fingernails, wearing a completely smug expression.   
  
"Come over here and prove it." he said. Sollux snarled and leapt forward, and Eridan reached out both of his hands and caught Sollux's wrists. The two snarled at each other and began to wrestle, and Karkat rose casually from the couch and stretched.  
  
"Okay, I'm gonna leave you two lovebirds to yourselves. I'll be upstairs." he said, but neither of them heard him over the snarling and insult-shouting.  
  
"I just _told_ you you're not invited! It's my hive, _get out_! Karkat and I were having a perfectly good time watching movies with actors in them that are _actually_ good-looking, and I don't want to be distracted by your ugly face!"  
  
"Ooooh, Karkat and I. Sounds a little flushed, don't you think?"  
  
Sollux screamed with rage and tackled Eridan with all of his strength, ignoring the pain in his left hand as they fell to the ground. He pinned Eridan under him, black hate welling up inside him when he realized the position they were in. He saw Eridan blush and felt the heat in his own cheeks as well.

 

"Wwell fuck, Sollux, if you wanted to make out all you had to do was ask..."  
  
" _Fuck_ you; I'm not asking you for a damn thing; if I want to make out with you I'm gonna just take it." Sollux said, and he leaned down and smashed his lips against Eridan's as he pinned him to the floor. He felt a rush of lust and power surge through him, and it was very pleasant, and it only increased when Eridan moaned beneath him.  
  
He felt Eridan's dick going hard underneath him, and that elicited the same response from his body. Sollux's ears flamed as he ground down, crushing Eridan into the floor.  
  
"Mmmm...Captor, damn." Eridan whispered. Sollux was mildly aware that his left hand was in pain, but he ignored it as he kept Eridan pinned to the floor, his wrists above his head, and he continued to grind against him, pleasure singing up through his body. It felt amazing; it felt _so_ good to be the one in control; to feel lust that wasn't related to her in any way; to be doing something that didn't make him think about her or feel her at _all_.  
  
Sollux tightened his grip around Eridan's wrists, and with his good hand he scraped his sharp nails down his skin, causing purple blood to ooze to the surface. Eridan whined and wriggled underneath him, bucking his hips up into Sollux's groin.  
  
"Damn, Sol..." the seatroll whispered, his face flushed completely purple now, his usually perfect hair mussed as he writhed on the floor.  
  
"What?" Sollux spat, making Eridan blink from saliva flying into his eyes. He wasn't thinking very much about what he was doing at all; he had just found something that actually felt _good_ , and he wanted to do more of it, and that was all.  
  
"You're just movin' really fast, is all..."  
  
"Oh, you're gonna egg me on like that and then back out? Typical." Sollux said. Eridan's face darkened.  
  
"I don' fuckin' think so." he said, and he yanked on the wrist that was held down by Sollux's weak hand and pulled it free. He pushed up into Sollux's chest and rolled, forcing him off, and the two began to wrestle again, their feet knocking a lamp over and neither of them stopped to care.   
  
It was a fairly even fight, which meant that if Sollux had full use of both of his hands, he easily would have won. They both took turns on the top and bottom, pausing now and then to madly smash their lips together in heated, panting kisses before the one on the bottom would force his way out and they'd begin again. Sollux's heart raced with exertion and lust, and he could see on Eridan's face how much he was enjoying himself, too.  
  
The next time Eridan had Sollux underneath him, however, he went to move things along further, reaching down to undo the button on Sollux's pants. An emotion of desperation, far stronger than his black lust, overpowered Sollux. Fear surged through him and he growled dangerously low as he brought up his knee into Eridan's balls, making him squeak and crumble. Sollux immediately rolled them over so that he was on top.  
  
"If we're going to play that game," he spat, " _I_ will be in charge, got it, fucker?"  
  
Eridan didn't reply because he was still wheezing. But Sollux didn't wait for an answer. He moved his good hand down to the button on Eridan's pants and started to undo it. The seatroll did nothing to stop him, however, and Sollux shimmied Eridan's stupid, hideous striped pants down to his knees, revealing a very hard erection dripping with purple precum already.  
  
Sollux licked his lips, bared his teeth, and leaned down to take Eridan into his mouth. Eridan whined and bucked up, shoving himself deep into Sollux's mouth, and Sollux groaned. She had never made him do this, she'd always been the one on top, and now somehow he felt he was undoing the things she'd done to him by being the one in control. He was taking back control, and he felt powerful, and he felt strong.

 

Eridan whined helplessly underneath him, and Sollux smiled and savored the fact that he had this much power over him. He teased Eridan's bulge with his tongue and teeth, grazing them carefully over his skin, making him sweat with anticipation and fear. Sollux wrapped his lips tightly around Eridan's bulge and sucked, hard.   
  
"Ghhuuuhhh..." Eridan moaned, and Sollux snickered and pulled up and away. Eridan whined and tried to buck the air.  
  
"What's the matter, Ampora? Feeling a little needy?"  
  
" _Fuck_ you, Captor. Actually..."  
  
Eridan looked up at Sollux with a face flushed full of lust.  
  
"...that ain't a bad idea. Wanna try it?"  
  
Memories that he'd rather not think about swirled inside his head. His face cringed for a moment, but he set his jaw and let the thought play through. She hadn't called it fucking. She'd called it love-making; matesprit sex, not kismesis sex. With Eridan, it would be completely different. Eridan was an even match. Sollux could defeat him if he wanted to. Eridan couldn't take him without his consent; it would feel completely different. Maybe, he thought, it would give him a _nice_ memory to associate with sex. Yeah.  
  
"Sure, why the fuck not?" Sollux said, and he saw the surprise on Eridan's face.  
  
"...really? This ain't to uh...fast for you?"  
  
"You gonna wait till I change my fucking mind?" Sollux growled, his hatred of Eridan burning hotter than ever.   
  
" _Shell_ no." Eridan said, and he pushed up against Sollux with both hands, easily overpowering him and forcing him onto his back. Sollux felt Eridan's weight crushing him down into the floor as he ground his exposed erection against Sollux's clothed one.   
  
Eridan slid his hands down Sollux's arms, and Sollux let him, his heart flying wildly in his chest. Eridan's rings felt cold against his skin as he slid his fingers under the bottom of his shirt and pulled it up over his head. Sollux then watched the sea troll unwrap his scarf and take off his own shirt, and Sollux didn't bother to suppress his snicker as he saw how skinny Eridan really was.  
  
"No wonder nobody wants you; you're even skinnier than me." he said. Eridan looked down at him from over the tops of his glasses and growled. He dragged his pointy nails down Sollux's side, making faint yellow lines rise to the surface, and Sollux shuddered. She'd never done that.   
  
She'd hurt him in lots of ways, but they were always _punishments_. It had never been affectionate, passionate the way Eridan was doing it now. Eridan wanted to make him feel, make him shudder and whine- Eridan cared about Sollux's reaction.   
  
He felt pain in his side as his kismesis leaned down and bit him. Sollux whined and clawed at Eridan's hair with his one good hand, wriggling underneath him. Black lust surged through him and only became stronger when Eridan slid his hand down to his bulge and crushed it with his hand.   
  
"Ghhhahhhuhhhhh..." Sollux moaned.  
  
"Told ya you'd like me touchin' you." Eridan said, squeezing Sollux's bulge through his pants. Before he knew it, all ten fingers were working hastily to undo his button and zipper, and then his pants were yanked off, and when Eridan came back on top of him, he was naked except for his rings and glasses.  
  
Sollux shook as Eridan reached down and wrapped his fingers around his bulge. It felt nothing like when she'd done it. Her hand had been enormous and consuming; Eridan's was a normal size and he felt a little unsure of himself, a little shy. Sollux smirked.  
  
"Feeling skittish?" he asked.  
  
"Fuck no. Just gettin' warmed up." Eridan snarled back, and then he started to pump Sollux rather quickly, making his need build up hot and fast. Sollux clawed the side of Eridan's face as he whined and lifted his chin up to the ceiling. Eridan gave a mocking kind of laugh.  
  
It wasn't long before Eridan was hovering over him, spreading his legs. Sollux felt very uneasy, all of a sudden, when that happened. He tried to stay calm, telling himself that this was different. But the physical feeling was the same as he felt fingers sliding between his thighs, parting open the entrance to his nook. His emotions were entirely different, but his body felt the same, and it made him remember.

He tried his best to fight it, but when he felt a hard, wet bulge brushing against him, his breaths came in rapid succession and he squealed. Not even meaning to, his psionics manifested powerfully around him and he threw Eridan off of himself. Eridan's shocked face registered in his mind just in time for him to catch his partner before he smashed against the wall. Sollux held him there in mid-air for a moment, stark naked, while he rose to his own feet. He was still incredibly hot. He still hated Eridan passionately.  
  
He walked closer to him as he lowered him to the floor, spreading his limbs far apart from each other as he approached. The feeling of power was back; the pleasure of having control was there again. He looked down at Eridan and saw him breathing heavily, his eyes half closed as Sollux kept him pinned to the floor under swirls of blue and red.  
  
"If you wanna do it this way I'm all for it..."  
  
"Shut up." Sollux growled, forcing Eridan's mouth shut with another tendril of psionic energy. He crawled on top of him and grabbed his bulge with his good hand, stroking him slowly, teasing him, making him writhe. When he had Eridan reduced to nothing but a whimpering puddle, he forced his legs open with his psionic energy and lowered his own bulge to his nook.   
  
He should have felt more nervous than he did. Instead he felt eager as he shoved himself inside roughly, making Eridan lift his chin to the ceiling as he whined.  
  
"Hhholy shit, Solluuuux!" he cried. Sollux only smirked and growled as he felt that rush of power again. Watching the troll he hated so much wriggle underneath him was intoxicating enough; but seeing that while he felt such intense pleasure in his bulge was nearly overwhelming. He thrust in hard and fast, his breaths panting, sweat dripping down his hair to land on Eridan below him. He slammed hard into his captive, making his body shake, shake the way his used to, Eridan's groans only driving him on faster and harder.   
  
Eridan tried to struggle free, snarling and cursing at Sollux as he failed, and it only turned Sollux on more. He smirked down at him and brought his hand to Eridan's bulge, stroking him but too slowly; teasing him, torturing him.   
  
"Fuck, Sollux, you're so fuckin' rough, this hurts." Eridan growled.  
  
"Good." was Sollux's reply, and at that he watched Eridan's eyes roll back in his head as he came, dark purple genetic fluid all over his chest, and it was not her color and so it was hot.  
  
Sollux groaned as he pumped very hard and fast, the heat and pleasure building because of his own actions; nobody's fucking hands were on him, nobody was making him do it. _He_ was doing it, and it felt amazing, and deep, black pulses of pleasure welled up in him and exploded out of him in waves of heated hot lust.  
  
In the middle of his orgasm, he saw her looking over his shoulder, a horrified expression on her face as he was the one with the power now, and he smiled.  
  
"Fuck you." he said softly.  
  
"You just did, and I don' know if I've cod it in me for another one..." Eridan said, breathlessly.

 

Sollux came down from his high and collapsed onto the floor with exhaustion. His psionics faded and Eridan sat up with a wince.  
  
"Dam, Sollux. That was...intense." he said, shaking. "I...I didn't expect that."  
  
A bit of guilt crept into Sollux. He turned over on his side to look up at his kismesis.  
  
"...Did I go too far?" he asked, sudden panic in his voice as he realized he might have become just like her...  
  
"Fuck no! Trust me, I enjoyed that. Just didn't sea it comin'."   
  
Sollux nodded and rolled back onto his side, closing his eyes.  
  
"Well, I'm gonna take a nap now. You can get the fuck out anytime you want."   
  
Eridan snorted and rose to his feet. Sollux heard some soft rustling for a few minutes as Eridan collected his clothes and got dressed, and some curses every time he bent over in a way that made him feel he was sore, and Sollux smiled.  
  
He wasn't alone anymore; someone else wasn't a virgin with him, and the thought was comforting.  
  
Karkat yelled at him later for taking things too quickly, for moving too fast, but Karkat always yelled. It was KK's job to yell.   
  
That morning, just before he went to bed, Sollux got one line from Eridan on Trollian and it was enough to give him pleasant dreams all night:  
  
CA: Sol, I've never felt such passionate hatred in my life. That better not have been a fuckin' fluke.   
  
She tried to bother him in his dreams that night, but it was easy for him to chase her away, because he had tasted power himself now, and there was nothing she could do about it.


	4. Chapter 4

For the next week, Sollux was in an awesome mood. He hummed everywhere he went, and he even tried once again to whistle, but whatever it was that made him lisp also made him unable to whistle, so he hummed. For the first time in his life after, he actually had an idea for a program. Nepeta was trying to catalog all of the different animals she liked to eat, along with some recipes she had on the occasions she actually didn't just eat them raw; and he thought he could write something to help her keep track and maybe make her own cookbook or something.  
  
Work was slow, typing with only one hand, and it was frustrating as hell but he had to get all these ideas out before he forgot them. He had so many brilliant ideas; his mind was an unstoppable torrent of flowing thought and his heart beat with excitement, even as his one hand did it's best to keep up.  
  
Karkat came in just a few minutes after he started. He stood by Sollux's side for a moment, and Sollux would acknowledge him, just as soon as he wrote this next part, just as soon as this was done...  
  
KK put his hand on his shoulder and he jumped.  
  
"Fuck! KK, dammit, I'm concentrating!" he shouted. He tried to continue typing, but then Karkat's hand was on his wrist, pulling him away from the keyboard.  
  
"Fuck you, Karkat, dammit! You're making me lose my concentration!" he shouted, trying to struggle out of Karkat's grasp, but it was useless. He was really weak for some reason.  
  
"Sol you've been programming for two nights and days straight. You gotta stop and eat. And sleep."  
  
His voice was so ridiculously calm that it jarred Sollux out of his annoyance and he actually looked at him. Karkat had bags under his eyes as if he hadn't slept himself in all this time.   
  
"...two...nights?" Sollux asked, looking at the clock on his computer, as if that meant anything. He had no idea what day it was, so the time was sort of irrelevant.  
  
"Yeah. I think you've gone manic, which is probably a good sign you're getting better, but then that means you're you again. Fuck, you're exhausting to take care of."  
  
 _To take care of_. Sollux felt a wave of pale red feelings wash over him, so powerfully that he blushed. Damn, did he love Karkat. Damn. He stopped struggling, and Karkat released his wrist. Sollux only stared at him, and he stared back, their eyes meeting in the sunlight pouring in through the window, and the air hung thick with romance; even though he knew it was in two different quadrants. He saw Karkat's lips twitch. Sollux swallowed.   
  
He tried to look at Karkat in a sexual way. Nothing heavy or hard-core the way he felt about Eridan; just something a little more than pale, something more pitiful. But he couldn't. When he looked at his best friend, that was all he saw: the person who was there for him, every moment, nursing him back to health, taking _care_ of him. Like a morail.   
  
_Gog, KK, I'm so pale for you I can barely stand it._  
  
But he couldn't say that. Karkat loved Gamzee; and however much Sollux might need him for a morail, he was already committed to another troll. And Sollux didn't even feel jealous. He knew they belonged together. If it wasn't for her messing things up, there'd never be a question about it; Sollux wouldn't need a morail this badly, this was all her fault, she did this to him...  
  
A flash of memory, of her doing things to him. His horn being cracked off. He instinctively reached up a hand to cover his wound, but he found his cracked horn dry and clean, and it no longer felt sore. He rubbed it, assuring himself that it was healed, if not ugly to look at.

 

"..Sol?"  
  
"She just...took it in her hands and cracked it off, without any effort at all. She was fucking stronger than Equius, KK." he said. He saw the pain on Karkat's face, the sadness, and his familiar anger. He bared his teeth.  
  
"From now until the last day of my life, I will desecrate every fucking image of that seatroll bitch I find, and it will never be enough revenge." he snarled, but Sollux barley heard him. His mind was already lost in the memory, lost in what had happened after she'd cracked off his horn.   
  
"...she made me take him down..." he said softly, and Karkat's face froze in mid-snarl, as he looked at Sollux, confused.  
  
"...she made me _uninstall_ him. His body...it was so old, but it wasn't rotten like the rest of the bodieth..."  
  
Sollux was too lost in his memory to notice the appalled look that had taken over Karkat's face.   
  
"Bodies?" he asked quietly. Sollux nodded.  
  
"Yeth. Everyone on her ship was dead; centuries dead, all bones, troll bones, the walls smeared with their spattered blood...but him, the Psiioniic, he was still whole, still covered in flesh, the only thing missing were his eyes..."  
  
Karkat licked his lips for composure, staring in horror, even as he forced himself to ask the burning, necessary question.  
  
"...Who?"  
  
Sollux looked up at him, his face strained with pain and sorrow, finally able to express the horrifying feelings that he'd felt that day, that first, awful, torturous day.  
  
"My ancestor." he said, lifting up his gaze so that their eyes locked, and Sollux no longer cared that Karkat already had a morail; he needed to tell someone, oh, it felt so _good_ to tell someone, finally, who would understand.  
  
"He had four hornth, KK. He had my color blood. And he was her engine. She installed him, into the machine of her ship, to use his psionic powers to drive it. That was what she originally wanted me for. To replace him. She said I'd be perfect. His perfect little descendant. She made me cut his body down. Oh, it was so cold, KK, cold and damp and dead and rotten, everything in her ship was dead and rotten and dithgusting, but him...he...when I cut all the wires that held him in place, he...had no hands, his body falling into the water with no hands and that was what she wanted to do to me..."  
  
The words tumbled from his mouth, and he was barley aware that he was speaking. His mind only knew the memory, and it flowed as real as if it had been yesterday, except now, Karkat was with him. Karkat could see; he knew all of the horror, the fear, the terrible thing she wanted.  
  
"...then, when I was done, she came back and...she was crazy, KK, she was insane, she kept talking to me like I _was_ him, she kept asking me why did I leave her...she was mad at him for fucking dying, for finally having release after who knows how many centuries she tortured him for..."  
  
Karkat could do nothing but listen in horrified revulsion. He stood, next to Sollux's desk, and stared helplessly as he watched his friend's face contort and twist with every kind of miserable expression as he recalled that first horrendous day.  
  
"She took me in her lap...fuck, even when she sat down and I _stood on her knees_ she was still taller than me, but barely so we were almost face-level and she fucking made me kiss her, she touched me, oh...fuck..."  
  
Two days of not eating or sleeping finally caught up with him. Sollux's knees buckled and he was heading towards the floor when KK's arms were around him, catching him, holding him up. Guiding him to the couch in his bedroom. But Sollux could barely tell the difference. His arms were the Condence's arms, meaning to be comforting but always awful, always holding him captive.  
  
"She touched me, KK, all over, her hands were always so cold..." he said, even as he curled into a tiny ball on Karkat's lap and buried his face in his neck, as he had buried his face in her neck. "Oh Gog, she did it so many times after, but hell I still remember the first time she touched my bulge, the first time she jerked me off, just for her amusement, just for...cause...and I fucking liked it, I mean, it just felt good, I mean, I came all over her, all over myself, without even the dignity of a bucket..."

Sollux was sobbing now, his yellow tears smearing all over the gray skin of Karkat's neck, and Karkat said nothing and just held him tightly, like any good morail would. His manic phase crashed all around him, and suddenly he no longer cared about anything, nothing at all except Karkat, his illegitimate morail and fuck, maybe polygamy was wrong to most trolls but maybe in this case, they could make it work, and Gamzee could share, and it would be somehow okay.   
  
"I fucking came, Karkat, it was the first time I was ever with somebody like that, and it felt wonderful and horrible at the same time, and I hated her and I loved her, I was afraid of her and I needed her, holy shit, I'm so fucked up." he said, and Karkat was running his fingers through his hair affectionately, so gently, so affectionately, the way she used to attempt to do, but he succeeded with his sincerity where she had failed.   
  
"I'll fix you." he said softly, after he was certain Sollux was finished. "I'll make you fucking better, I swear. This is all my fucking fault, for not rescuing you sooner, for not finding you sooner..."  
  
Sollux pulled back and looked into Karkat's face. He saw the deep, affectionate pity that was there; it was undeniable how brilliantly flushed Karkat was for him. His cheeks were practically glowing with pity, even as his expression was full of sadness. Sollux was still wallowing in the memory, his mind was still half in the time she had held him in her lap, and half in the present now, in Karkat's lap.   
  
For a moment he was able to see that the two situations were nothing alike; that where she had been cold and cruel, Karkat was warm and loving; where she had been invasive and hurtful, Karkat was protective and comforting. Where she had forced Sollux to kiss her, forced him to let her touch him, Karkat was patient, not ever making a move that Sollux didn't want, not even asking, not even mentioning what was plain as day but remained unspoken.  
  
Lastly, as he stood, half in the memory and half in the present, and was living both things at the same time, Sollux could feel both situations at once. He felt his fear of her, his terror, his disgust of her, which stood in brilliant contrast to his love for Karkat, his need of him, his desire to be near him. Where what she had felt was only cold, empty lust, Karkat felt warm, whole pity, full and real.  
  
"KK," Sollux whispered softly. He leaned forward and pressed his lips roughly against Karkat's. His eyes flew wide and he grabbed Sollux's shirt involuntarily, his claws digging holes into the back of it. Karkat's breaths came rapidly, his heart beating hard against his chest, even as Sollux squeezed his eyes shut tightly and struggled to maintain the duality of being in both places at once.   
  
He could tell Karkat was trying to hesitate, that he was trying to be responsible and pull back, and also that he couldn't help himself. His tongue slid out from between his lips and it was warm, where hers was cold. It was short and stubby, where hers had be long and pointy; where she invaded him into the back of his throat, Karkat only stayed in the front of his mouth. Where she had been unwelcome, Karkat was invited, and where Sollux had remained a cold statue of fear for her, he was alive and in love with KK, even if it was the wrong quadrant of love.  
  
Karkat moaned softly; a thing she had never done, and Sollux felt Karkat's warmth begin to invade the ice that she had put inside of him, just a little, just around the edges. His hands relaxed, and he started to rub his palms against Sollux's back, touching him in a soothing way, where she had been rough and forceful.   
  
Sollux continued to stand in both places, in the past with her and in the present with Karkat, but as he tried to play the memory through, it wouldn't move forward. It became stuck in this place, because Karkat wasn't continuing with the script.

"KK...KK, touch me." he asked softly, between kisses, kisses that were many, not one, because he wanted them, because he kept going back for more of them.  
  
"I am, grublicker." he cooed, his voice smooth and soft.  
  
"No...no...touch my bulge. Like she did. You have to do what she did, to erase it, to erase her..."  
  
He felt Karkat's body tense, even as his heart beat faster.  
  
"What? Sollux, I don't think you're anywhere near ready..."  
  
Reality was becoming too different from the memory now, and he could feel it slipping away from him. He was no longer present in her lap; he was only remembering being there, and it wasn't the same.  
  
"KK, please! Please, I need you to do thith, I need you to erase her, please..."  
  
"Okay, okay." Karkat said, his voice full of worry and panic. "So long as you're sure you want..."  
  
Sollux couldn't look him in the eyes...because he hadn't looked her in the eyes. Some third part of him, the part that wasn't tortured or turned on, was aware that he was using Karkat to get what he needed; that this wasn't the right way to treat his friend, and he felt a tiny morsel of guilt.  
  
"I...I do, I am, but it's not...it's not...I don't feel flushed for you, I feel pale, so pale, but I still love you, you can still erase her, still..."  
  
He saw pain on Karkat's face, for just a brief moment, and then it was gone. And then the pity was back, full-force.  
  
"Just tell me what you need." he said. His voice was sure and strong. As strong as Sollux wished he could be; Karkat was the solid foundation he clung to, a thing he could rely on, and he was saying _I know you're weak. Lean on me. Go ahead, I can take it._  
  
"We were just like this, the first time she...uh...with her hand, she, uh, first, she slid her hand up my shirt..."  
  
His voice was barley more than a tiny whisper. Karkat still hesitated.  
  
"...you want me to do that?"  
  
Sollux nodded, small but sure. And then Karkat's hand was there, his fingers softly prying their way up under the hem of his shirt, and Sollux's mind leapt back to the past with her, and he was with her again, and he was in both places at once again.  
  
Karkat slowly, hesitantly slid his fingers up Sollux's bare stomach, just as she roughly did so without his permission. But Karkat had his permission; and where her hand was frigid, his was warm; where she roughly invaded, Karkat soothed. Sollux's cheeks flushed from his touch, just as they had flushed from hers- but now it was pleasant. He wasn't afraid. The fear was missing. He knew Karkat would not hurt him.  
  
"Okay. Go ahead." Sollux said, and Karkat bit his lower lip with his teeth.  
  
"Go ahead...what?" he asked, even as he already knew the answer.  
  
"Touch my bulge, make me cum." He said it without nearly as much shame as he should have. He almost didn't hear his own voice; because in his memory with her, he wasn't allowed to speak. His mind had been screaming no, and now his voice said yes, yes to Karkat, asking for it. Begging for it.  
  
"Please, KK, I need you..."  
  
Karkat's hand was shaking as he slid it down over the top of Sollux's pants, and stroked him on the outside of the cloth, and Sollux's ears burned at the touch. He inhaled sharply, shutting his eyes tightly, as he sat curled in Karkat's lap exactly the way he'd sat with the Empress. He buried his face in Karkat's neck, exactly the way he'd buried his face in hers, and he clung to him the same way.

 

He felt the pleasure in his body building, and it felt the same, exactly the same, and it was right. He felt his bulge grow hard.  
  
"Take it out, touch me, make me a mess..."  
  
Karkat wordlessly complied, though he could hardly be called silent. His breaths were coming fast and heavy, soft moans escaping between his lips as his fingers undid the button and pulled down Sollux's zipper. His warm hand grazed Sollux's bulge on the outside of his underwear and he moaned with excitement for Karkat, where he had shivered with fear for her. Karkat's fingers pushed aside the cloth and touched him gently, as she roughly yanked his bulge out into the cold air.  
  
At the same time, they both took ahold of him and pulled down. Her hand was rough and relentless; Karkat's was smooth and steady. Sollux moaned for Karkat, where he had been silent for her; with her, he had struggled to stay quiet, and for Karkat he groaned softly.  
  
For both of them he tightened his grip around their neck, and the Sollux who was with the Empress, who was searching desperately for comfort, for safety, found it in Karkat's arms as the heat in his bulge built up and became pleasure. With her, it felt sick, but with Karkat it just felt good. His body started to shudder and he started to push up into both of their hands; for her with shame, for Karkat, with heat.   
  
_Psiioniic, don’t cry. I know it hurts, but it won’t kill you. I promise you, it’ll never kill you._ she said.  
  
"Sollux, you're sure you're okay?" Karkat said.  
  
 _Don’t be so quiet, tiny thing. Tell me how you really feel. Go ahead, open up that mouth. Scream for me._ she said.  
  
"Say something, you stupid nooksniffer." Karkat said.  
  
 _Stop_ his mind screamed at her.  
  
"Don't stop." his voice told Karkat. And she ignored him, while Karkat listened. Sollux moaned into his neck, the pleasure reaching a peak between his legs, his shame globes glowing with burning heat as he pulsed with release. And as the Sollux with the Empress screamed out of fear and pain and desperation, the Sollux with Karkat groaned with lust and love and enjoyment.  
  
It felt so good; every pulse felt amazing, and he let himself enjoy it, and the Sollux in her arms could enjoy it, because the Sollux in Karkat's arms was safe. It took away his guilt. It took away the guilt that he had liked it; because he liked it so much _more_ with Karkat. He groaned one more time, softly, before Karkat took his hand away, covered in yellow genetic material. It was everywhere, all over his lap, all over Sollux, dripping down onto the couch, and he didn't care.  
  
The Sollux who was in the Empress's lap sobbed with sorrow, but the Sollux in Karkat's lap sobbed with relief. It was over. She could never do that to him again. Every time he remembered that now, he would remember Karkat instead. _Karkat_ had jerked him off, Karkat had made him feel good.  
  
Karkat's face was flushed that deep freaky color of bright red from ear to ear.  
  
Sollux smiled up at him.  
  
"Thank you." he said. "Thank you, even though it's not right, even though I know it's not what you really want..." his sentence trailed off as two days of not sleeping finally caught up with him, and he passed out.  
  
"I don't care." Karkat said softly. "I'll give you whatever you need to get better, assface."  
  
He gently stood up, holding Sollux's skinny body in his arms, and walked him over to his recooperacoon. He gently slid him down into the slime, cursing that he'd have to drain it and clean it later, but for now, he didn't care about that. He kissed Sollux softly on the forehead and let him be, before he started hunting down cleaning supplies to start working on getting the yellow stains out of the couch. 


	5. Chapter 5

==> Be the tortured bearer of unrequited flushed love  
  
Karkat sighed heavily as he finished cleaning up the last of Sollux's genetic material. It had been hard work, but as long as he never concentrated on the thought of _what_ he was cleaning, it was actually a nice distraction from the turmoil of emotions raging through him like a stampede of wild hoofbeasts.   
  
He was exhausted as the sun shone brightly in through the window. He looked at the clock. It was the dead middle of the day, and he was tired as fuck. But when he climbed into his own recooperacoon and tried to sleep, his thoughts returned and wouldn't let him.   
  
One, he was still turned on as fuck and horny as hell. The things Sollux had him do to him were just so fucking _hot_ , he was so damn sexy and being able to hold him, touch him, make him groan like that- Karkat's own shame globes ached for release.   
  
But worse than that were the things Sollux kept saying to him. That he was raging pale for him. That his wanting Karkat to touch him was only part of his getting over whatever the bulgesucking bitch had done to him, and it was not genuine concupiscent emotions. And Karkat's guilt stirred in his mind, as he had been selfish and had taken Sollux anyway. He was so desperate to be with him that he'd take whatever he could get, no matter how unhealthy it was.   
  
A real matesprit, a troll who truly loved Sollux, would go out and hunt down a morail for him. That was what he needed; that was what he continually asked for, and he was absolutely right. His flushed quadrant was fucked up; he needed to experience un-fucked-up love; he needed a morail to hold his hand in the bright late hours of the day and help him through this.  
  
Instead, Karkat selfishly continued to live with him, to stay near him, to be with him in every way he could. Which made him about the worst matesprit ever, because he was _that_ selfish, because he wanted Sollux all to himself.  
  
Well no, that wasn't true. He didn't mind sharing him with Eridan. Karkat had no black feelings towards Sollux at all, and he was genuinely happy that his...friend has at least _one_ quadrant that was healthy and properly filled.   
  
Karkat's thoughts and horniness were too great for him to ever hope to sleep. He begrudgingly crawled back out of his recooperacoon and washed off, then logged on to Trollian to see who else was on.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]   
  
CG: GAMZEE, TELL ME THAT YOU ARE AT LEAST SOMEWHAT CONSCIOUS ENOUGH TO BE ABLE TO READ AND INTERPRET LETTERS. AND MAYBE PRESS A FEW BACK, IN SOME SORE OF ORDER THAT MIGHT ACTUALLY HAVE MEANING TO THOSE WHO ARE SANE AND FUCKING CRABBY AS A MEOWBEAST WHO GOT NOTHING BUT A MOUTHFUL OF FUR WHEN HE THOUGHT HE WAS GETTING A NICE, JUICY, PLUMP BITE OF BLOODY RODENT FLESH.  
  
TC: WhAt'S uP, mOtHeRfUcKiNg BeSt FrIeNd?  
  
CG: SOLLUX IS WHAT'S UP, AS PER USUAL. HE IS INSISTENT ON SUCKING UP THE LIFE OF MY SOUL ONE MOLECULE AT A TIME UNTIL THERE IS NOTHING LEFT BUT MY SKELETAL REMAINS THAT WERE ONCE A SHITTY MATESPRIT NAMED KARKAT.   
  
TC: Is OuR mUsTaRd BrOtHeR sTiLl SlApPiNg MaD rHyThMs On HiS kEyS uNtIl He NoT eVeN bE nOtIcInG tHe MiRiClE cYcLeS oF dAy AnD nIgHt?  
  
CG: NO, REGRETFULLY I WAS ABLE TO DISTRACT HIM FROM DOING THAT AND FINALLY GET HIM TO GO TO BED.  
  
TC: ThAt'S a BeAuTiFuL sIgH oF rElIeF aLl Up In HeRe, BrOtHeR :o)  
  
CG: BY JERKING HIM OFF WHILE HE APPARENTLY RE-LIVED POURING HIS GENETIC MATERIAL ALL OVER THE LAP OF THE BITCH QUEEN HER IMPERIAL FUCKTARD FLITBEASTS' EXCREMENT HERSELF.  
  
TC: So DiD yOu FiNaLlY gEt AlL yOuR fLuShEd FeElInGs On? ;o)  
  
CG: NO. HE KEPT SAYING SHIT LIKE 'OH FUCK KARKAT, I'M SO PALE FOR YOU, WOULD YOU PLEASE JERK ME OFF WHILE I THINK ABOUT THE NOOKFUCKER THAT RAPED MY INNOCENCE'.  
  
CG: WHICH I'VE MADE IT CLEAR TO HIM REPEATEDLY THAT I DON'T WANT HIM THAT WAY BUT HE INSISTS ON CONTINUING TO TORTURE BOTH OF US BY DENYING HIS FLUSHED FEELINGS COMPLETELY. DAMMIT I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M TELLING YOU THIS EXTREMELY EMBARRASSING SHIT ABOUT MYSELF.  
  
TG: <> ;o)  
  
CG: FINE, ASSHOLE. TO PUT IT BLUNTLY, HE EXCRETED GENETICS ALL OVER MY FUCKING LAP AND IT WAS FUCKING SEXY AS HELL AND I JUST SPENT TWO HOURS CLEANING UP THE MESS AND ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS WHAT A FUCKING GRUBSNIFFER I AM FOR LEADING HIM ON WHEN I HAVE NO INTENTIONS OF EVER FEELING PALE FOR HIM, JUST SO I CAN GET SOME.  
  
CG: BECAUSE I'M FUCKING PALE TAKEN.  
  
TG: ;o) DiD yOu?  
  
CG: DID I THE FUCK WHAT?  
  
TG: GeT sOmE bUrNiNg HoT fUcKiNg AcTiOn AlL uP iN tHeRe, BrO. hOnK ;o)  
  
CG: WELL NOT REALLY, SOLLUX GOT THE BRUNT OF THE ACTION, AND NOW I'M FUCKING HORNY AS ERIDAN IN A PRINCESS GOWN STORE ON A ONE-DAY CLEARANCE SALE AND I'M EXHAUSTED AS FUCK; MY SHOULDER HURTS FROM SCRUBBING AND MY HEAD IS THROBBING FROM EXHAUSTION AND I CAN'T FUCKING SLEEP.  
  
TG: I'lL bE rIgHt OvEr To HeLp YoU gEt YoUr SlEeP oN, bEsT fRiEnD.  
  
CG: WHAT? ARE YOU INSANE, IT'S THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING DAY. YOU'LL FRY. YOU'RE PRACTICALLY A FISH.  
  
TG: HoNk :o)  
  
terminallyCapricious [TC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]  
  
CG: DAMMIT  
  
__________________________________________  
  
Sollux turned restlessly in his recooperacoon slime, his face contorting fitfully to reflect the dreams he had of her laughing at him, chasing him through a wet and slimy bog. He slipped and fell and she loomed above him, and suddenly he was naked and exposed and helpless beneath her, shivering in the swampwater as she sneered down at him, stripping him of all his dignity with those eyes.  
  
Then Karkat leapt between them, his sickles at the ready, and the two of them began to fight, and clash, and snarl at each other. Karkat was surprisingly strong and quick and skilled, always able to dodge that wild, living hair of hers until he lunged and sliced her across the throat.  
  
Magenta blood rushed out of the wound and poured down her front, as she turned to look at him, her eyes suddenly bright and innocent and questioning him _why_ with his betrayal. He watched as she slowly fell, fell, fell towards the boggy water, her form becoming softer and sweeter as she plummeted until it was Feferi's dead corpse looking up at him, her eyes pleading with him for answers.  
  
 _Why did you kill me, Sollux? I thought we were matesprits?_ she said, and she was both Feferi and the Condence when he loved her at the same time, and Karkat stood over her, snarling, her blood dripping from his sickles as she accused Sollux of letting her be murdered.

 

He woke up with a start, his heart racing in his chest. He gasped for air and shoved his head quickly out of the slime. The room was so bright he could barley see. He stumbled out of his 'coon and hit the switch that closed the blinds. He remained standing next to the door for a moment, his hand leaning on the wall while he gathered his bearings.   
  
It was just a dream. Just another nightmare, he told himself, and the reason he had it was because he had _won_. He had defeated her in battle today, him and KK together, and she didn't like that she was loosing her hold over him, so she gave him nightmares.   
  
He paused in his musings when he heard soft voices. He frowned and furrowed his eyebrow. Walking softly, the slime from the 'coon mostly dry and flaky on his skin now, he crept towards the top of the stairs to listen.  
  
He heard a soft and gentle, unmistakable honk. He sighed with relief. Gamzee was over. Good; he would take care of Karkat; he would make right what Sollux was fucking up by keeping KK around and using him. Sollux started walking down the stairs with the intention of saying hi, but when he got the bottom and caught a glimpse of them sprawled on the couch, he changed his mind.   
  
They looked incredibly comfortable, with Gamzee leaning against the corner of the couch, lounging with his legs spread in front of him as Karkat rested his head in his lap, the rest of his body stretched out on the cushions. Gamzee was gently petting Karkat's head, running his fingers through his hair in a way that made Karkat's face actually relax. He almost, Sollux thought, looked like he was content enough to purr. They were in the throes of deep pale romance, and Sollux felt incredibly rude interrupting that. So he stayed where he was, a great distance from the living room but where he could still see into it, and watched them.  
  
"He just, one moment he's himself, he's Sollux, my friend, and the next he gets this creepy, haunted look in his eyes and I feel like I don't know who the fuck I'm talking to." Karkat said, his eyes trained on Gamzee's face as he looked up at him.  
  
"Keep going, brother. Let all the feelings out."  
  
Karkat sighed heavily and closed his eyes.  
  
"I just...well, as his friend I worry that he'll never find peace and happiness again, but then that's not what I'm really feeling; really what I want is for him to get the fuck better so we can start an actual matespritship and I can fucking _touch_ him and have it be _me_ he's in love with instead of that fucking seed-flap kissing bitch. I just feel like he's still holding a flame stick for her, keeping his flushed quadrant full of her vomit-inducing, rotten fishbone excrement, and so he's trying to cram all of his red feelings into the wrong quadrant.   
  
But then I think maybe I'm just being selfish, because I want him so badly, so I want to see it that way; and maybe even if he was perfectly healthy he wouldn't pity me back because we're just not meant to be. But for how long to I keep trying, Gam; how long to I keep after him until I know whether we're supposed to be..."  
  
Karkat's voice trailed off as Gamzee moved his hand from petting the top of Karkat's head and started stroking his neck with his fingers instead. He closed his eyes and sighed heavily, and let Gamzee push him up into a sitting position, where the highblood sat cross-legged behind him and began to massage his shoulders.  
  
"There is always more to the world than any of us can see, bro." Gamzee said, his face passive and calm underneath his paint, as he heavily kneaded Karkat's tense muscles. "That's why it's possible to have miracles; because of all of the things we just don't up and know. Maybe Sollux bro is in motherfucking flushed love for you, or maybe he's not. But he needs a fucking strong ass motherfucker to lead him back along the journey to his true self, and there's no one stronger than my fucking brother Karkat. So we know the mystery of why Karkat has Sollux all up in his flushed quadrant; it's the miracle that makes the troll he needs be there with him night in and out."

 

Gamzee had worked Karkat now into such relaxation that he was melting like a puddle into his arms. The highblood then leaned forward and planted a slow, gentle kiss on Karkat's cheek, something that was completely and totally appropriate behavior for a morail.  
  
But for some reason, when Sollux saw it, his heart raced and leapt into his throat. He inhaled sharply, and he thought he saw Gamzee's ear twitch at the sound, but then he didn't react after that.  
  
Instead, he slowly started placing kisses lower on Kakrat's face, until his puckered lips were tracing his jawline, and then they dropped to gently kiss his neck.  
  
And Sollux's heart was racing a thousand miles a minute, as a warm blush rose to his cheeks.  
  
Gamzee moved his hands from around Karkat's shoulders and slid them down his sides to stroke his stomach. Karkat purred softly and snuggled himself deeper against Gamzee's chest. The clown then moved his lips to kiss Karkat's throat; a sign of deep affection and trust that KK would leave himself so exposed.  
  
Then Gamzee slid one of his hands down over Karkat's pelvis and up between his legs, rubbing him in a way that was definitely _not_ in morail territory.  
  
Karkat squeaked oddly and his eyes flew open. Sollux's blood flamed and his heart raced in his chest as his own bulge stirred in his pants at the sight.  
  
"Gamzee, what the fuck are you doing?" Karkat replied, looking a bit uncomfortable and squirming a little.  
  
"Just helping my bro get his motherfucking matesprit on." Gamzee whispered softly, and he began to rub his hand slowly over Karkat's bone bulge. Sollux fought to repress a squeak at the hotness of what he saw. And then his heart raced further as he realized what that meant.  
  
He was hot watching Karkat participate in a sexual situation. It was definitely Karkat he wanted, he...  
  
Gamzee squeezed his bulge between his fingers, and Karkat groaned.  
  
"My best friend had a motherfucking one-way lay, and I'm going to fix it all up for him." Gamzee purred in Karkat's ear; the expression on his face fully relaxed and peaceful. "And then you will sleep." he said, moving his fingers up to undo the button on Karkat's pants.  
  
Sollux's ears burned and his heart raced. He couldn't believe how flushed he felt, how hot and sexy he felt watching Gamzee touch Karkat in such a sexual way. He swallowed to keep his throat from going too dry as his breaths came far too fast. He was flushed. Oh, he was heavily, heavily flushed; and now that he wasn't part of the situation himself, he was able to feel it.  
  
Gamzee's eyes remained half-closed as he slid his hand under the waste band of Karkat's boxers and slid them, along with his pants, down to his knees. Sollux saw his red, flushed bulge and whimpered softly, sitting down on the bottom of the staircase as his knees grew weak.  
  
Karkat groaned helplessly as Gamzee slid his hand up to stroke his shame globes, careful to keep his long claws from scratching his skin. He moved his hand up to press the palm of it against Karkat's bulge and Sollux whined softly under his breath.  
  
Gamzee raised his eyes to look directly at him, and he froze, caught in his act of voyeurism.   
  
But Gamzee then lowered his gaze back down to Karkat's exposed lower half, continuing to stroke him, spreading his pre-cum over his bulge as Karkat moaned helplessly in his arms.

 

"Gam, I...what the fuck...are you doing...?"  
  
"Shhhh...just helping you get what you all up and need." Gamzee whispered. "So you can sleep."  
  
"You're not...feeling...flushed for me, are you?"  
  
Gamzee honked a horn that he apparently had in his pocket with his free hand. He then leaned down and kissed Karkat sweetly on the forehead.  
  
"No, that's already taken." he said,and Sollux knew then that Gamzee was right. Sollux was madly flushed for Karkat. He knew it when he saw Gamzee wrap his fingers around his swollen, reddish shaft and start to pump him. He knew it was supposed to be him, it was supposed to be his fingers touching KK. And he couldn't deal with it when he was in the situation himself, feeling the same thing she'd made him feel. But now...now, it was safe, he was safe, and he could fully enjoy the burning he was feeling from watching Karkat feel delicious, sexual things.  
  
Gamzee started to pump Karkat more quickly, with a firm grip and a steady rhythm, his other hand resting on Karkat's exposed him. Karkat moaned softly into the air, and Sollux was deafened by his own pulse. His own bulge throbbed between his legs as he saw Karkat feel sexual pleasure, and it was turning him on far, far too much.  
  
Karkat whimpered softly and pushed his back hard into Gamzee's chest. A few more firm strokes later and he was cumming, just as Gamzee pulled a bucket out of his specibus. He caught it just in time, and Sollux's ears flamed at the sound of a bucket being filled, by KK, right before his eyes. He groaned and helplessly leaned against the banister, unable to move as the throbbing in his own bulge mocked him, because it was there this time; it was there when someone _else_ was touching KK, just not himself.   
  
Karkat collapsed against Gamzee, and the highblood troll set the bucket on the floor and leaned back, stretching their bodies along the couch. He gave Sollux one more pointed look before his back essentially faced him.  
  
"See?" he said, his eyes tracing over Karkat's face, which looked far less tortured and far more peaceful, now. "All a brother needed was a little relief from his blue balls."   
  
Karkat wrapped his arms around Gamzee's, holding them close to his stomach, and Sollux didn't move as he watched him fall peacefully asleep.

 

Then he turned and bolted back up the stairs, lust pulsing in his veins as he hurried into the shower and began to masturbate, hurriedly, roughly. Oh, he was so hot, KK, Karkat, damn, his face when his bulge was being stroked, his face when he came; it was sexy as hell and she had absolutely no say in this matter because he had not betrayed her; it had been someone else touching him, Sollux just had watched.   
  
He groaned heavily as his cheeks flushed, and he came much harder than he thought, considering he'd just gone off not a few hours before. He melted against the tile, the hot water soothing on his back, and then he crashed from his high and frowned deeply.  
  
He was supposed to feel flushed for KK. He...he _did_ feel flushed for KK, but from a distance, with someone else actually being with him, because...because...well, because he was fucking broken as hell, that was why. He was so broken that Karkat had to seek sexual favors from his _morail_. It was so sick and twisted that the more he thought about it, the more his guilt increased, and he watched as the mania he'd been feeling for the last few days plummeted and burned, leaving in its wake a deep, genuine loathing of himself.  
  
"I'm the worst fucking friend on Alternia." he said, the hot water pouring over his hair, falling in three steady streams and a broken, dripping one where his horns broke the waterflow. Not only were his own quadrants fucked up beyond repair, but now he was fucking up Karkat's, too; getting sex in the wrong places and not getting it in the right places and fuck, Karkat never even seemed interested in finding a kismesis for himself, either. His whole life, all that he was, he was giving to Sollux, and what did he get in return?  
  
A bunch of sleepless nights, complaining, and one-way sex that left him unsatisfied and desperate. Sollux shook his head, some part of him knowing that he was slipping into a depressive cycle, but most of him didn't care. He let the water stream over him for a long time, washing away the tears as they fell, as he tried and failed yet again to mend his fucked up, broken and destroyed heart.   
  
_I will find away to fix myself, KK, so that we can be together properly_ he swore to himself, and though his love for Karkat was as strong as his conviction, he could still hear her laughing at him in the distance, because she knew it was all bullshit.


	6. Chapter 6

Sollux crawled into his recooperacoon and didn't come out. He slept, and slept, and slept, until she crept into his dreams and forced him awake, screaming. KK was always there; he always came so fast and held his head against his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around Sollux's head, slime and all.   
  
Sollux knew this meant Karkat never went far. He never left the hive. He never went out. Gamzee brought them groceries (there was a lot of Faygo in the hive), fed KK's lusus, kept KK company while Sollux did nothing but waste away in one of the worst depressive cycles he'd ever gone through. He didn't want to do anything. He didn't want to say anything. He didn't want to be awake. He didn't want to be alive.  
  
He was destroying Karkat. He was torturing him emotionally, taxing him physically, straining him mentally. And the guilt just piled and piled and piled onto him until he was crushed under it's weight and could do nothing but sob like a wiggler.   
  
"Come on, get _up_ , you grubsucking nookstain!" he said. "You have an appointment with Dr. Kanaya and Equius today to get your cast off and fix your horn. They're coming over in two hours and you smell like fucking musclebeast leavings."  
  
Sollux didn't respond whatsoever.  
  
"That's it, I've had enough." Karkat said. He stepped away from Sollux's recooperacoon, and Sol slumped over the side, his front half hanging out while his legs remained useless to him, soaking in the goo.  
  
"Are you going to leave me now?" he managed weakling.  
  
"What kind of fucking bullshit asswipe seedflap licking question is that?!" KK shouted. Sollux relaxed. He always felt better when KK shouted, because it meant he was fine. Karkat walked over to his husktop and started typing to somebody.  
  
Sollux didn't even give a shit as to who it was.  
  
He found out half an hour later, when there was a knock at the door and KK left to go answer it.  
  
" _You_ fix him. I'm pitying him too much to give him a proper kick in the shameglobes." Karkat's voice wafted up the stairs. Sollux heard footsteps coming, and then saw the shadow of a troll walk across his vision as he stared at the floor.  
  
Striped pants appeared and then he felt a rough grip in his hair. Eridan yanked his head up to look at him. Sollux blinked a little. Annoyance stirred in his heart.  
  
"Wwhat the fuck good is a kismesis as pathetic as you?" he snarled, his fins flaring in anger. "You know you're drowning in the tide wwhen your black lover thinks you look pathetic. Get your bass out of bed."  
  
Sollux's eyebrows lowered and he frowned.  
  
"Fuck you." he said. Eridan smiled and leaned in closer.  
  
"That's a start, bastard, but it's not good enough. You're supposed to be my _rival_ , not some bitch wwho takes orders."  
  
Sollux's anger flared up and his psiionics crackled around him. Eridan backed away a little, but didn't let go of the iron grip he had in his hair.  
  
"Fuck you, athhole! I didn't have a fucking choithe! I _had_ to obey her gog damn orders!" He screamed, his squawkblister burning from the amount of volume he suddenly forced through it.  
  
He stood up quickly, growing dizzy from the sudden motion and not caring. His psiionics crackled around him and he shoved Eridan off roughly. The seatroll flew backward and stuck a leg out behind him to keep his balance. A chunk of Sollux's hair ripped out in his fingers and he kept it clutched tightly in his fist as he snarled.  
  
"At first, yeah. But by the time _I_ found you, you were swearin your love for her up and down, even callin out to her for fuckin help to be rescued from _me_." Eridan snarled. "You didn't even wwant to leave her. You belonged to her hook, line, and sinker."

 

Sollux leapt out of his recooperacoon, psiionics crackling around him as he screamed with rage.   
  
"How _dare_ you say such fucking shit to me? She was the most powerful fucking troll alive; if she decided she'd wanted you, you wouldn't of had a choice, either!"  
  
He stepped forward and shoved Eridan with his psiionics and pinned him hard up against the wall. Rage seethed through him, and he was slightly aware that Karkat was watching in the corner, but he didn't give a fuck.  
  
" _Nobody_ could have stood up to her! She murdered a bunch of _adult seatrolls_ all by herself, all on her own, just so she could have me alive to fuck!"  
  
Sollux wrapped his psiionics around Eridan's neck. With his hands he reached out and yanked that stupid, hideous scarf off of his neck, so he could watch as he tightened the crackling red and blue light around his pale, grey neck. Eridan's fins started to flap wildly and he struggled, his hands flying to his neck to try to loosen Sollux's grip- but of course, there was nothing for him to grab.  
  
Sollux sneered and stepped closer, until his face was right up in Eridan's and he had a pointed claw under his chin.   
  
"I hated her." he said, his voice now low and soft, deep and threatening as he narrowed his eyes at Eridan. "I hated her with every cell of my body; but every time I tried to escape, or get away, or just plain say fucking 'no', she punished me for it." he said, holding up the hand sealed inside the cast, pointing to his broken horn with it. Eridan glared at him as he tried to struggle out of Sollux's psiionic grip, and failed.  
  
"Every time I had a thought of my own, tried an action of my own, attempted to be myself whatsoever, she made me _pay_." he spat, a fire burning in his chest as he finally confessed the depth of the pain he'd kept bottled up inside during his entire captivity. "So I did what any troll would do. I lied through my fucking teeth. I acted, I played pretend, in order to survive. And I did it so fucking well that I started to believe it myself. I started to really think I meant the things she wanted me to say. I had to. To survive. To see the sun set the next night; to bear her fucking me into the floor. I had to forget the world outside. I had to forget KK. I had to forget hope. I had to forget you. _I had to_!"   
  
He tightened the noose around Eridan's neck to the point of cutting off his air, and that was when the royal troll reached inside his cape so quickly Sollux barley noticed the motion.   
  
A sharp pain shot through his chest as he flew backwards, blinking as blinding white light danced across his vision. Eridan fell to the floor, gasping for breath as Sollux landed flat on his back. He moved to get up, but Eridan was faster because, well, he'd been eating for the last three days.   
  
He was on top of Sollux in seconds, his wand pointed dangerously close to Sollux's throat, the sharp tip piercing his skin so that a drop of mustard blood oozed out.  
  
"I've had wway too much fuckin patience with you. Last time we fucked? Yeah, I _let_ you win that fight, so you'd feel like you had some kinda chance, but this is still _so_ a one-fuckin-way kismesis."  
  
A crackle escaped out of Eridan's wand as an electric sting seared up into Sollux's head. He arched his back and screamed, more from rage and fury than from the tingling pain. He lifted his hands and went for Eridan's throat, forgetting that one of them was in a cast.  
  
Eridan grabbed his wrists and pinned him to the floor, snarling as he tried to struggle. Physically, Sollux was no match at all for him, and his head was buzzing from that fucking wand and he couldn't focus enough to get his psiionics to obey and then fuck, Eridan's lips were on his, crushing his aching head into the floor, and then he was arching his back for a different reason as he moaned.

 

Eridan's grip on his wrists was ironclad as he ran his hot tongue over Sollux's cheek and down his neck. He bit his throat and Sollux screamed with simultaneous anger and want, trying unsucessfully to remove himself from being trapped on the floor. Eridan chuckled and licked up the yellow blood, griding his hard bonebulge down into Sollux's crotch. Sollux groaned, black hatred raging through him.   
  
Eridan continued to grind his hips down into him, hard, as Sollux snarled and bared his teeth.  
  
"So easy to subdue you." Eridan said. "No wwonder she chose you for a fucktoy. You're not even botherin to put up a struggle. Are you even tryin to get away? I can't even fuckin tell. No wonder you let Feferi die. You couldn't protect her for _shit_." Eridan said, rage etched in his face as he dug his claws sharply into Sollux's wrists, drawing blood.  
  
Sollux screamed with fury and pain as Eridan tore open a wound he'd been ignoring. Feferi. He never thought about her. He never mentioned her. Images of her body flying through the air and landing limp on the beach, disrespected and tossed aside worthless flashed through his mind.  
  
Red and blue light erupted erratically around both of them as Sollux yanked Eridan off of him. He still had little control over where his psiionics went, due to that stupid want shot to his brain, but he made up for it with sheer power. He flung every object in the room that was near to him out to the walls and sprang to his feet as Eridan shot another bolt of white light in his direction.  
  
He darted to the side, dodging it just in time, and lunged forward, his claws reaching wildly for Eridan's face. The seatroll put out his own hands to block and they grappled, both of them trying to get shots off at each other, but in too close proximity to avoid hurting themselves. Sollux lifted his knee and slammed it into Eridan's shame globes, making him squeak and go weak in the knees. Sollux pushed him roughly up against the wall and scratched his claws deep down his arms, purple blood running over his fingers so that he dropped his wand.  
  
When he was defenseless Sollux went in for a kiss, and Eridan groaned into his mouth. Sollux ground his hips into him as he teased his claws down over Eridan's stomach and tore a rip up the middle of his shirt. Eridan actually helped him tear it off of him, and then he went for Sollux's shirt in return, tearing it up the front.  
  
Sollux wretched at the feeling and the sound of it.  
  
"What?" Eridan spat. "Is that a thing she did, too? Know what? I'm tired of wwalkin on all these eggshells with you. I'm sick of dancin around every little thing she said or did or wwhatever reminds you of her. I don't give a fuck anymore." he said, taking advantage of Sollux's sudden weakness to strip him of his shirt, and then he went for the buckle on his pants.  
  
Sollux weakly tried to pull away, but Eridan yanked him forward by the waist of his pants and then yanked the zipper down. He shoved his hand inside and wrapped it around Sollux's bulge, and he struggled, pushing his hands against Eridan's shoulders because he didn't want...  
  
The moment Eridan's fingers brushed his exposed bulge, lust oozed through his body, awakening every one of his nerves, concentrating in his neck and wrists where Eridan had marked him. He groaned deeply and melted into Eridan's touch, his legs buckling as he sank to his knees.  
  
"Yeah, now that's hot." Eridan said. "Unbuckle my pants, bitch." he said. Sollux's ears flamed hot and desperate as Eridan's hand slid up out of his pants, and reached to stroke his nipples.  
  
He whined as he pulled Eridan's striped pants down to his knees and his bulge was right there, hard and purple in front of his face. He knew what was next. He knew what was going to happen- but he waited. He waited to be told.

 

"Suck it." Eridan commanded, and Sollux's ears flamed hot. He felt sick inside, he felt disgusted at himself, but Eridan was right. It was true. He liked to be told what to do, because it was like being with her.  
  
He eagerly took Eridan's bulge into his mouth, and the seatroll wasted no preamble. He put his hand on the back of Sollux's head and shoved himself deep into his throat, making Sollux gag and cough.  
  
"I don't care. Take it. You took it for her; take it for me." he said. Tears formed at the corners of Sollux's eyes, but whether they were from sadness or anger or just physical discomfort, he didn't know.  
  
Eridan pulled back and Sollux sucked, hard; running his tongue over the bottom and dragging his sharp teeth over the top of Eridan's bulge, little lines of purple oozing to the surface.  
  
"Fuuuuuck...." Eridan said, and Sollux smirked, but then Eridan shoved himself back in, cutting off his air.  
  
He began to fuck Sollux's mouth, hard and rough and fast. Sollux did nothing to keep his teeth away, but he also teased Eridan with his tongue, running it over the slit in the tip, tasting the drops of genetic material that oozed out, and his cheeks flamed yellow. Despite everything Eridan said, this was nothing like being with her. She had never been so alive, never been desperate...never been _passionate_ the way Eridan was. Everything, absolutely everything about this was _personal_. Eridan hated him not for what he looked like, but for who he was, and that made all the difference; that was everything.  
  
He heard a deep moan inside the seatroll's throat, and Sollux felt him try to pull out. Sollux's black hatred immediately made him want the opposite of whatever Eridan wanted.  
  
Sollux's psiionics were back, and he looped them around to push against Eridan's back as he brought his hands up to his ass. He dug his claws in deeply, making him cry out as he rammed his mouth down over Eridan's bulge. Sollux started to suck him, not letting him pull away like he was attempting to do. His breathing became ragged and heavy and erratic, and Eridan groaned helplessly as he ran his hands roughly through Sollux's hair, pulling it, stroking it.  
  
He moaned one more time and gave one more effort to pull out, but Sollux wouldn't let him go. He expelled his genetic material directly into his mouth, and Sollux looked up with satisfaction to see the frustrated pleasure on his face, even as he started to choke on the stuff. He sputtered and pulled back, the purple ooze getting all over his face as Eridan came, purple squirting all over Sollux, down his chin, his bare chest, and dripping onto the floor.  
  
"Fuck you..." Eridan whispered. While he was still recovering, Sollux stood up and kicked him behind one knee, knocking him to the floor. He roughly wrapped his psiionics around Eridan's limbs, yanking his arms and legs apart so that he was helpless. Sollux smirked down at him as he knelt and roughly shoved his bulge up into his lover's nook, lust flaming through him as pleasure sang through his nerves.  
  
Eridan yelped and Sollux moaned, wasting no time as he forcefully began to fuck him.  
  
"You thay thuch nasty shit, but you don't fucking know what you're talking about." Sollux said. "You have no idea what it feels like to be truly helpless, terrified out of your mind, taking it because if you don't, you're going to fucking die." he said, his voice a threatening whisper. "But I'm gonna show you. You're gonna know." he said, his expression dark as he leaned forward and wrapped his hands around Eridan's neck, his cast crushingly hard against his skin.

Eridan didn't try to struggle; he groaned as Sollux slammed up into him, over and over, and he licked his lips as he prepared to say something.  
  
"No, no you _don't_! I'm sick of you fucking talking!" Sollux cried, tightening his grip around Eridan's throat until he cut off his air. He dug his claws into the skin at the sides of his neck, until Eridan truly tried to struggle, his arms breaking free of the psiionics as Sollux neared climax and started to lose his concentration.   
  
Eridan reached up and tried to push Sollux off of him, but he was unable to budge him at all. As he became more desperate for air he started to claw at Sollux's face, his mouth opening just like a fish out of water, Sollux's anger flaring to full power as he screamed and came, shoving himself deep inside Eridan.  
  
"I hate you! I fucking hate you like I've never hated _anyone_! You want to fucking breathe? Well too fucking bad! You deserve to die; then you can tell Feferi what you think of me _yourself_!"  
  
Sollux leaned forward, strangling Eridan even harder as the pleasure peaked over the top and he came, drowning in black lustful pleasure. Eridan's face began to turn a sickly color of grey. Eridan began punching and clawing at Sollux's face, one fist clocking him dead-on in his eye.  
  
Sollux crashed from his physical high, but he still felt glaring hatred for the troll underneath him.   
  
"You think you're so fucking special, just because you're a damn _prince_. You don't know _any_ of the misery I went through, you don't know...I'll show you, you'll know..." he blabbered, Eridan's face turning pale, almost white, and his struggles became weaker and weaker.  
  
Then Sollux felt two very strong hands wrap around his waist and yank him almost effortlessly off of the object of his hatred. He struggled and his psiionics flared wildly out of control. This was ignored by whoever held him, and then he was set down solidly on his feet, the two strong hands firmly turning him around.  
  
He was greeted by a glaring Equius and a very pale Karkat, as he heard Eridan gasping for breath behind him. Sollux struggled for a moment, but his effort was absolutely useless against a grip so strong.  
  
"As horribly embarrassing and improper as it is to walk in on such a lewd scene," Equius said, "I must insist you stop here; it is extremely inappropriate for a troll with your caste of blood to end the life of someone as high as Eridan."  
  
The calmness of Equius' voice was so out of place, and so not at all what Sollux had been feeling, that it caught him off guard and shocked him back into sanity.  
  
His eyes grew wide and he turned around to see Eridan flopping on the floor, gasping for air.   
  
"Holy shit, Eri...I'm thorry..."  
  
Eridan was wheezing too much to speak, but he managed to point a middle finger in Sollux's direction. Sollux balled his fingers into fists and took a step forward to show him who was boss. But then Equius's hand was on his shoulder, holding him in place, keeping him sane.

He suddenly realized he was naked and covered in slime, blood, and cum. He blushed heavily and his eyes down cast to the floor.  
  
"I guess, maybe, we went a little too far..." he said, glancing at Equius panting on the floor.  
  
"Fuck you, Captor. You're fucking hot as hell. I can't wait to get my revenge, I'm going to fuck you until you _cry_ and beg for mercy..."  
  
"Not right now you're not, you nooksniffing, fishflopping dickwad." Karkat snarled. "Both of you assfuckers gave me forty heart attacks from all your screaming shenanigans. We're all fucking lucky Equius got here, or else _I_ was going to have to break this up, and then you'd both be fucking sorry."  
  
"I'm thorry, KK..." Sollux said, timidly.   
  
"Fuck you, Karkat. You stay out of this." Eridan said, trying to sit up and not quite suceeding. He flopped right back down on the floor.   
  
"Forgive me for not coming to your rescue sooner, highblood..."  
  
"Shut up and help me now, you freak." Eridan snapped. Equius looked down at Sollux inquisitively. He nodded.  
  
"I'm okay. You can let go." he said. With a nod he lifted his hands from around the skinny trolls' waist and walked over to help Eridan up off the floor.  
  
Karkat glared at Sollux, who looked abashedly at the floor.  
  
"You. Shower. Now. Kanaya's here, but I doubt she'll want to help you looking and smelling like that."  
  
Sollux nodded, his neck aching as he started to hurt everywhere Eridan had scratched or hit him. He paused on his way to the bathroom, unable to look Karkat in the eyes, but moving his lips close to his ear, anyway.  
  
"KK...I know...you would have tried to stop me. I know you wouldn't let me do anything stupid. I know...I mean, I..." he swallowed, the words getting caught in his throat. He squeezed his eyes shut. Now was not the time to tell him. No. Not now.  
  
"Just..."  
  
"Just shower, grublicker. We can talk later. Kanaya had to come fucking far to get here."  
  
"Yeah." Sollux said, nodding once. He stepped into the bathroom and locked the door, just in case Eridan tried anything stupid, and turned on the shower. The hot water felt amazing, burning as it hit all of his scratches, soothing his aching muscles, and washing away all the grime he'd been wallowing in for the last few nights.  
  
All else aside, his depression was clearly and truly broken, and he was starting to feel sort of mildly good; the kind of thing he felt when he was actually emotionally balanced. He had to hand it to Eridan; he was a damn good kismesis. Without even trying, just by being his annoying self. Sollux smiled softly as he scrubbed all the grime away, and thought about all the trolls that were in his hive right now, there for him, caring about him. And he felt pretty damn good about it.

 

Sollux was lying on his own coffee table, which had become the makeshift medical bed in the Captor hive ever since he'd returned home. In his life before he'd never been all that healthy, but in his life after, he felt as if there was someone fussing over him ever fucking week.  
  
Right now it was Equius, who was hunched over in concentration to the point of his tongue sticking out, a steel file in his fingers while his massive hand held Sollux's head still in an iron grip.  
  
Sollux winced as he felt the vibrations of the file run over his broken horn. It didn't hurt; it just felt really weird, actually; but what it _did_ do was remind him of when it had gotten broken in the first place. Her face. Her laugh. Her enjoyment of his pain.  
  
KK's hand was suddenly grasping his, and Sollux wrapped his fingers around it tightly. He realized after that that he'd been whimpering.  
  
"For cod's sake, quit wwhinin like a fuckin wwiggler. Horns don' evven have nerves except in the middle..."  
  
"She cracked it right _through_ the fucking middle, athole!" he cried, his fury at Eridan still not quite subsided.   
  
Eridan rose off the couch and stepped over to where Equius was working, looking down at Sollux's shorter, but less jagged-looking horn.  
  
"Yeah, but she's not doin it noww, blubbler-face. I'm wwatchin Equius with my own two eyes and he's barely grazing you wwith that thing. If _I_ was filing your horn..."  
  
Eridan stuck out his fingers to trace over the tip of Sollux's horn where he thought the file should go. Equius's brow furrowed and he stopped his work.  
  
"Highblood, please, if you would be so kind as to not obscure my vision while I'm working..."  
  
"Yeah yeah." Eridan said, taking a step back. Equius went back to work, carefully filing away the sharp edges of the tip of Sollux's horn-stub, making them taper inwardly, sanding the keratin off in a very gentle, curving gradient.  
  
He hit a bump and Sollux jumped and whimpered. KK squeezed his hand.  
  
"For carp's sake, quit floundering all ovver the fuckin place!" Eridan shouted, stepping forward to lean his face over Sollux's to glare down at him.  
  
Equius sat up, pulling the file away with annoyance.  
  
"Highblood, do you _mind_!" he shouted, rising to his feet, towering over the small sea troll. Eridan's eyes grew wide, as he was clearly not used to being spoken to like by the muscular troll and his eyes followed up his chest and to his cracked, rectangular glasses. Equius's face grew tense as he realized his own tone of voice.  
  
"I'm sorry, Highblood, I...just, don't you want your black mate to look his best, or would you rather be humiliated by having a lover with a lopsided horn?"  
  
Eridan nodded silently, took a few steps back, and sat down on the couch again, mumbling under his breath.  
  
Equius sat back down and resumed his filing, his concentration returning as if there hadn't been an interruption.  
  
"Wow, EQ, that was awesome. You should yell at him some more for me."  
  
"Fuck you, mustard blood." Eridan snapped.  
  
"Shut up, fish face." Sollux replied.  
  
"Both of you, _please_ be quiet. You can flirt later. Right now, I'm trying to create a work of delicate art."  
  
He then ran the file over Sollux's horn again, and Sollux shut his eyes tightly and grit his teeth.  
  
And realized that Karkat had not said a single word since this whole filing thing had begun. _Karkat Vantas_ had not said a single word.

 

Sollux opened his eyes to look at his best friend's face and then immediately wished he hadn't. What he saw there was a mix of worry and pity so deep it was embarrassing. He felt his face flush bright yellow.   
  
Accidentally, he squeezed Karkat's hand, trying to comfort him.  
  
KK squeezed him back, his expression haunted, worried, his face pale.  
  
"It's okay, KK. I know this ith gonna help me get better. I know EQ does good work; before you know it, I won't look like a freak anymore."  
  
Sollux watched him nod, his worried expression not changing whatsoever. He looked so pitiful Sollux wanted to reach out and hug him just then, to tell him it would be okay.  
  
But he couldn't move at the moment, his head pinned in place by an impossibly strong grip, and then Equius ran the file over a sensitive part of his horn and he shut his eyes, whimpering.  
  
Eridan opened his mouth to degrade him. Equius turned his head to glare at the fish and he shut his mouth in compliance.  
  
"Wow. I never thought I would have the pleasure to observe someone be such a successful auspitice between _those_ two." Kanaya said, walking into the room with an armload of medical equipment that she'd been organizing in another room.  
  
Equius's hand slipped and he dropped the file onto the floor.  
  
"Uh...um..."  
  
Sollux looked up to see the large troll's brow furrowed in nervousness, but there wasn't a drop of sweat on him, which was actually kind of odd. Usually any breathing troll made him horny in some way.  
  
Equius mumbled an apology and reached down to pick the file up. He wordlessly began working again, and Sollux tried to concentrate on talking to Kanaya to keep his mind off of it.  
  
"Come on, Kanaya, he's just trying to do his job, and asshole's getting in his way..."  
  
"Shut up, bassface, I'll show you 'in the way'..."  
  
Equius looked up from his work to glare at Eridan, who's mouth promptly flapped shut, and then he blushed.  
  
"It's not wwhat it looks like, Kanaya. I'm just...afraid of pissing off a monstrous troll with clearly _no_ respect for social hierarchy..."  
  
"I'll have to beg to differ, Your Majesty." Equius replied, pausing to wipe some horn dust off of Sollux's stub before returning to his work. "I'm just very focused on my task, I'm being paid good money..."  
  
Sollux's eyes flew wide open at that and he stared at Karkat in disbelief. Karkat just shrugged, his cheeks turning pink with embarrassment.  
  
"KK? How...how much are you paying him to...?"  
  
"Nothing. Don't worry about it." Karkat said, sneering in Equius' direction, successfully keeping him quiet.  
  
Kanaya's painted lips turned up in a wry smile as she looked down at the helpless troll lying on his own coffee table.  
  
"Aww, it's a three-quadrant romance moment." she said sweetly. "Maybe I should leave you boys to your flirting and come back later..."  
  
All four trolls blushed heavily at that, and nobody said a word to contradict her. She continued working on setting up her x-ray equipment, and Equius continued on uninterrupted now, until he was finished.

 

"There." he said. "Now it's almost the right shape, just too short. Maybe one or two more filings after it's a little longer, and you'll look completely normal."  
  
Sollux sat up, horn dust falling out of his hair and over his face. He sneezed a few times, shutting his eyes, before he felt a wet cloth wiping away at his face. The touch was too gentle to be Equius, though he couldn't have called it very graceful, either. He knew it was KK, without even being able to see, and his heart fluttered in his chest. Flushed feelings rose in him, for just a moment, and he sighed happily as he heard the bustle around him of his friends, his family, working together to fix him up.  
  
Kanaya took a few x-rays of his cast, declared his fingers healed, and then pulled out her chainsaw to cut it off. A horrific stench wafted up to Sollux's nose, and nearly everyone made a retching sound at the same time.  
  
"Eww, it's even scrawnier than your other arm, if that's possible." Eridan commented.  
  
"Fucking disgusting." KK said.   
  
"How's it feel, Mr. Captor?" Kanaya asked. Sollux tentatively flexed his fingers that he hadn't bent in longer than he could remember. His knuckles cracked and pain shot down his arm...but they moved. They _moved_ , at his own command. He ignored the discomfort and opened and closed his fist several times, then wriggled his fingers.  
  
He looked up at Karkat without trying to hide the happiness on his face.  
  
"They work, KK." he said, and he saw a flash of red in Karkat's eyes as he quickly turned his head away with a quiet snarl.  
  
"Well fuck, just wwrigglin them around doesn't count. Let's test that arm out properly." Eridan said, leaning his elbow on the coffee table in an invitation to arm wrestle.  
  
"Your Highness, you know a victory now would be dishonorable. Give him time to build up his strength again and give you a proper rivalry." Equius said, and Sollux watched Eridan's annoying face pout like a wiggler as he stuck out his bottom lip. Sollux laughed.  
  
"Well shit, Equius, maybe you _should_ be our auspitice. I think you're annoying enough with your meddling."  
  
Equius's face flushed blue.  
  
"I...I don't know, I, uh...um, I've only got one quadrant filled..."  
  
"So then you need another one! Come on, I need you to keep me safe from this fishface." Sollux said. Eridan stuck his middle finger in Sollux's direction, and Sollux returned the gesture.  
  
Equius glared at both of them.  
  
"Stop acting like children." he reprimanded. "Alright, fine. You've convinced me." he sighed heavily. "I'm prepared to listen to the two of you whine to me every day and night about each other. For as long as I can stand it."  
  
"Awethome, dude. Thanks." Sollux said, sticking his tongue out in Eridan's direction.  
  
Eridan glared at him.  
  
"I would be honored to have you babysit this little grub until he's strong enough to handle me." Eridan spat, and Sollux grinned at him.  
  
"Okay, okay, very sweet and lovely, quadrant-filling fucking adorableness. Now everyone shut up and let Kanaya finish, I'm shelling out a fortune here." Karkat snarled, and they went back to work, Sollux wiggling his fingers this way and that, following her directions. When it eventually became apparent to Eridan that he wasn't going to get any more of Sollux's attention, he stormed out under the excuse of Equius being too annoying and meddlesome for him to enjoy watching Sollux suffer.  
  
"I have to say that you are healing quite nicely, Mr. Captor." Kanaya said. "Now let me dress those wounds Mr. Ampora inflicted upon you during your...uh...fit of passion."  
  
Sollux's cheeks flushed deep mustard at her statement.  
  
"Yeah, well, uh...we...I kinda took it a little too far..."  
  
"That won't happen again; your safety is assured." Equius replied.   
  
"Yeah. Thanks, dude." Sollux said. "Really."  
  
Equius nodded and rose to his feet, his form towering over his ward's skinny body.

 

"It...was actually quite pleasurable, to finally force some proper civility into the two of you."   
  
"Alright, alright, enough fucking pleasantries, I can't afford another hour so just tell me what I owe you and get the fuck out of our hive." Karkat spat.  
  
"Oh. No, I couldn't possibly charge a member of my own quadrants! That would be absolutely disgraceful! Terribly bad etiquette, that will never do. My services are free to Mr. Captor for as long as he needs him." Equius said.   
  
"...thanks, dude." Sollux said, his voice a bit softer as he stared at a troll he really didn't know all that well- but was starting to like, in an annoying kind of way.   
  
"So I'll be taking my leave then, to let you finish. I'll check up on you tomorrow." Equius said, and he left, leaving Sollux slightly speechless at the craziness that was happening in his life today.  
  
"Well fuck. Aren't you just a little perfect date, getting all these quadrant fills..." Karkat started to mumble.   
  
"Now if you please, Mr. Captor, just lie down and I'll attend to these injuries caused my Mr. Ampora." Kanaya said. "If you would remove your shirt, please."  
  
Sollux mindlessly complied, his thoughts distracted as she worked by all the things that had just happened. She disinfected the shallower scrapes on his chest first, rubbing a cotton ball soaked in alcohol over them, making them sting slightly.  
  
She worked on the bite mark on his throat next, and he managed to avoid wincing but a small hiss escaped his throat as it stung. It had felt good when it was Eridan's mouth, hot and sexy on his neck, but now it just stung with discomfort and he wriggled on the table.  
  
"It would be most ideal if you would hold still, please." Kanaya said, and he nodded, which only annoyed her as his chin knocked into her hand.  
  
"Thorry." he said.   
  
She finished covering his bite without much trouble, and then began to work on the deep slashes in his wrists from Eridan's claws.  
  
She dabbed the disinfectant on it lightly and he hissed and jerked his arm.  
  
"Fuck." he said.  
  
"Sollux, you have to stay still, I think I might have to stitch these. You 'took it too far' is a bit of an understatement; these wounds are deep."  
  
"I'm _trying_." he said, and he began mumbling curses under his breath at Eridan as she tried to clean his wound again. He hissed and yanked his arm away.  
  
"This will not do. I think I'll have to give you something for pain. Hang on a moment."   
  
She dug around in her medical purse until she found what she was looking for.  
  
"Here we go. This will just take the edge off, so you can stay still while I repair the damage." she said, and then she held some kind of device up to his face with a mouthpiece on it.  
  
"Just open your mouth and inhale after I squirt." she said, and he complied, the corner of his eye looking over at KK. He was clearly trying to pretend that he didn't give a shit by staring at the TV- except that he had the sound turned down and it was a show Sollux knew he hated. He was listening to everything that was happening, watching Sollux, looking out for him, and Sol felt warm and pleasant things inside.  
  
Kanaya pressed a button and Sollux inhaled, a sweet, grape-ish scent filling his lungs. A few seconds later and he felt lightheaded, so he lay back down. His vision got a little fuzzy, and the colors became a little brighter, and when Kanaya touched his wrist now, he felt nothing more than a tickle.  
  
"How's that feel?" she asked. He nodded.  
  
"It's good." he said. Satisfied, she started to work, and he could feel the touch of her trained fingers as they tickled him, moving up and down in a rhythmic pattern, sewing him up. He heard   
the introductory song of another show Karkat hated come on the TV, and he smiled and tried to lift his arm to point at the show, ready to make fun of KK...  
  
Except that he couldn't. He commanded his arm to lift again...but nothing happened. He couldn't move his body. He couldn't control himself.   
  
Panic immediately started to set in as he was instantly back on that table in her ship, wires hooked up to his very nerves as his mind became detached from his body, forced into the ship, forced into blackness, into silence as he was thrown into the mind of a dead, unpowered vessel.

 

He tried to move, he tried to feel, but there was nothing, nothing he could do. It was the same, it was exactly the same, fuck...fuck...  
  
He heard screaming, and then he saw KK's face. He couldn't move, fuck, fuck, he couldn't _move_...but he could still _see_. He could still _hear_. He clung to that, to the image of KK's worried, yelling face in his vision, to him cursing at Kanaya  
  
"What the fuck did you _do_?"  
  
and to her worried, guilty face,  
  
"I...I...nothing unusual! It shouldn't have this effect! Perhaps he's having an allergic reaction." she said, her face out of his vision. Sollux's heart raced and he stared at Karkat's face with wide, terrified eyes, and realized that the screaming was him.  
  
He stopped. His breath flew in and out of his mouth as rapidly as his lungs could force it to, and he tried to lift his arm to KK, to reach for him, and he couldn't.  
  
KK's arm was under his shoulders, lifting him up, making him sit. He could feel it. He could feel KK's arm.  
  
"It's okay, Sol, Sol, I'm here, we'll fix you up... _right_?" he screamed at Kanaya.  
  
 _“Don’t cry, little one,” she whispered, her voice directly next to his ear, soft like the breeze off the ocean. “Shhh…I’m here.” She kissed the top of his head. “It’s all going to be all right. I’m here.”_  
  
Kanaya's face re-appeared in his vision.  
  
"Okay, the epinephrine isn't working. It's not an allergic reaction." Kanaya said, her voice still amazingly calm despite the situation. "I think...I think he's just having a panic attack."  
  
"Think... _think_ he's _just_ having a panic attack!?!?" Karkat screamed.  
  
"Yes. It's a little frightening but it's not harmful. Sollux...Sollux, we just have to calm you down. This'll just pass in a short while; it's not going to kill you." Kanaya said.  
  
 _“Psiioniic,” the Empress said, “don’t cry. I know it hurts, but it won’t kill you. I promise you, it’ll never kill you.”_  
  
He screamed at the top of his lungs, and to his surprise his own voice tore from his throat, vibrating from his lungs and dragging him back to reality, into the room, to Kanaya, to Karkat.  
  
He felt Karkat's arms around him. He commanded his arms to move, and they moved. He yanked them up and threw them around Karkat's shoulders, yanking the needle Kanaya had been holding out of her grip so that it dangled from the string down Karkat's back. His arms moved. Even though he couldn't really feel them, he could sort of feel them, and he felt Karkat's breath on his neck, heard his soft cursing in his ear.  
  
"Stop fucking panicking, you grubsucking seedflap-kissing nookwhiffer, or I'll make what Eridan did to you seem _nice_..." he whispered, his voice sweet and gentle.  
  
"Please, yeth." Sollux said, sobbing, his chest heaving. "Make me feel, KK, make me feel..."  
  
Karkat's lips were on his faster than they should have been, and that wasn't at all what Sollux had meant, but he liked it. He moaned softly, though he couldn't feel it quite properly his lips seemed less numb than his fingers. Karkat's breath flowed into his mouth, filling his nose with his scent, spreading down his throat into his lungs.  
  
Karkat pulled back, his face burning red.  
  
Sollux saw the world swimming again, and then he felt wetness on his face, and realized too late that he was crying like a fucking wiggler.  
  
And Karkat wiped his tears, his fingers gentle compared to his expression and his voice. He was screaming at Kanaya.  
  
"KK...KK, thtop. It's not Kanaya'th fault..." he said weakly. But Karkat heard him. The screaming finally stopped, and the room grew quiet.

"I just...I just want to thleep." he said, his mouth not exactly obeying him, making avoiding his lisp absolutely impossible.  
  
He felt Karkat's arms gently lower him back to the table, and then he felt his claws raking gently through his hair, petting his head, calming him down as Kanaya began sewing him again.  
  
"Mmmm...yeah." he said, his eyes looking up into Karkat's. Yes. Karkat's eyes. They were so big, and soft, and afraid. Absolutely pitiful, worried little things.   
  
"KK...KK..." he said, as he felt Karkat's hand stroking his hair, and he tried to open his mouth to speak, but he felt suddenly very drowsy. He tried to fight the sleep, but he had no power over it.   
  
_KK, I love you, I pity you..._  
  
In his dreams there was only darkness. He could not move, or see, or hear, or feel. He was the ship, and the ship was him; and the ship was dead and useless, and he could not escape.


	7. Chapter 7

The late second summer turned into early second autumn. The scorching, blinding heat of the Alternian sun lessened, making the long evenings especially beautiful for early-bird trolls that woke up at such ridiculous hours.  
  
Trolls like Sollux, who hadn't slept in two weeks, because every fucking time he closed his eyes, he vanished into the nothingness of the ship.  
  
So he was sitting up on the roof in the early evening, when the sun had just barely set behind the great expanse of communal hive stems, illuminating the rooftops for miles around him. A slight breeze blew past, calming and gentle, and he thought about how peaceful everything seemed at that moment. Peaceful, but not silent. Not silent the way it was when his mind was in the ship.  
  
He closed his eyes and leaned his back against the warm, soft leathery flesh of his lusii's stomach. Bicyclops Dads grumbled softly, the sound comforting and soothing to him like it had been when he was a grub. He sighed heavily and snuggled into the warmth.  
  
"I wish you were thmaller tho you could fit inthide my hive." Sollux said. His dads grumbled again, low and soft.   
  
"I know, I need a big, strong lusus to protect me from culling, with blood as low as mine." Sollux said. He turned and buried his face into his dads' soft hide. For a moment he just listened; to the breeze, to the birds going to sleep, to the insects beginning to sing, to the double rhythm of his dads' hearts. He inhaled deeply the soft, sweet air and the comforting smells of home, and tried his best to feel safe and secure.  
  
But it wasn't the same. It was _almost_ the same- but it wasn't. He no longer believed that his dads could protect him from anything. When he'd been in the most trouble, when he'd needed protection like never before, he knew his dads could not have helped him, had they been there. He wasn't angry at them, no; in fact he was more than grateful that they hadn't been around when she came...because he knew they _would_ have tried to save him, and she would easily have killed them.  
  
It also wasn't the same because in her maniacal, insane logic, she was somehow his lover _and_ his lusus; she'd consistently referred to herself as both, and the disgusting vileness of that was so twisted it made Sollux wretch. He curled deeper into the softness of his dads' stomach, trying to feel the comfort he used to feel as a grub, trying to feel safe, but it wouldn't come. He started to sob.  
  
"She was tho fucking inthane." he said, his lisp as horrible as ever, because dads never cared about that. They grunted softly; a kind, sympathetic sound. "She called herself my lusus one minute and then was fucking me into the floor the next and then breaking my bones the next. It was like she was trying to be in all my fucking quadrants and then my lusus too, all at the same time. But that...even that...was better than being inside the ship..."  
  
Sollux stopped talking and sobbed into the side of his parents. A moment or two went by, and he felt a touch on his shoulder. He stiffened and curled up into a tiny ball, burying his head under his arms.  
  
"Go away, KK."  
  
"Fucking ungrateful meowbeast licker." Karkat said, sitting down beside him, leaning his back against Dads. "You will never, ever get rid of me."  
  
Sollux's heart felt something pleasant at the truthfulness of that fact. He sat up a few inches from Karkat and wiped his eyes with the backs of his hands- and then felt an arm wrap itself around his neck and yank him roughly towards Karkat.   
  
He remained tense and scrunched up for a moment, and even tried to struggle a bit, but Karkat held him firmly next to him. Eventually he gave up and relaxed, letting his head rest on KK's shoulder as they both looked out at the gorgeous setting sun.

 

KK's hand traced down Sollux's shoulder and over his upper arm, tickling his skin gently with the pads of his fingers- not his claws. Sollux's sighed and leaned more heavily against Karkat; his back against his dads, his side against his...  
  
Sollux swallowed a huge lump in his throat. He could admit to himself that he felt things much stronger than pale red love for KK- yeah, he probably felt flushed feelings for him, right now, even, with the way he was stroking his arm so gently, so sweetly...  
but that was as far as he could take it. He couldn't...  
  
"You haven't slept for a week." KK interrupted.   
  
Sollux licked his lips several times and worked his mouth around, trying to get rid of the dryness.  
  
"It's...hard." he said.   
  
"Gotta give me more than that, grubwiggler."  
  
"KK, I..."  
  
"Listen. You don't have a morail to talk to you about this shit, so it's gotta be somebody. It sure as fuck isn't Eridan. But oh look, I'm here."  
  
Sollux sighed heavily, his breath exiting his mouth in little jerks as he tried to fight more tears that were threatening to fall. He curled up into a little ball and snuggled underneath the protective comfort of Karkat's strong, completely un-pitiful arm.  
  
"Do you know how the Condesce's ship got its power?" he asked softly.   
  
Karkat's face scrunched up as he tried to remember his schoolfeeding lessons on history.  
  
"Not really."  
  
Sollux sighed heavily and buried his face in his knees.  
  
"It ran on psionic energy."  
  
He stopped there to let Karkat process that, to see if he could understand. He saw his...red crush...purse his lips, then contort his mouth as he tried to think of something to say, and couldn't. His face settled on confusion.  
  
"It required a living psionic troll to be wired directly into the computer's circuitry in order to run. My ancestor was the last person to drive her ship. She enslaved him and forced him to drive it. For thousands of years. And when she found me, the very first thing she said to me, or the first thing I remember her saying anyway, was "What a perfect little replacement you'll be."  
  
Sollux's lower lip shook and his jaw clenched tight with anger as he remembered that line. He hadn't understood what she'd been talking about when she'd said it, but now...now when he looked back, when he realized...  
  
He felt Karkat's entire body tense with rage when he realized the implications of this story. He saw him clutch his fist around his own leg, digging his claws into it, little drips of his freakishly red blood escaping down his leg.  
  
"She...before she decided I was her ma...lover, before she used me for a fucktoy, she was gonna hook me up to that... _thing_. She had...for awhile there were a bunch of really highblood seatrolls, I guess a couple who were able to survive the Vast Glub?...I don't know. They treated me like an animal, a lab rat. Hooked me up with wires to the mainframe, ran the ship's circuits into my skin, my nerves..."  
  
Sollux could see the angry rage flaring on Karkat's face, in his furious eyes, but he couldn't stop now. He couldn't stop at this part, he had to get this out of him, now, in one shot or else he knew he would never make the attempt at explaining this part again.  
  
"When they turned it on, it...it pulled my mind away from my body, out of me, KK. Into the ship. Into a black, dead, senseless, immobile, helpless, broken ship. All I could sense were dead, failed systems. All I could hear was silence. All I could see was blackness. I couldn't move. I couldn't _act_ , I couldn't scream, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't escape, I couldn't _do anything_ , nothing at all except _think_. It went on forever. I was frozen, a mind with no body, paralyzed for all of eternity, I...I...when Kanaya gave me that painkiller, when my senses went numb, I couldn't take it, I couldn't _take it_!"

 

Karkat's arms were wrapped around him tightly, all of a sudden, and Sollux melted into them. He curled up against KK's chest as he felt his claws stroking down his back, his fingers, his palms, his breath. He concentrated on feeling him, on his _realness_ , on his solidity. He listened quietly to the string of explicatives that escaped KK's mouth, the sound of them soothing and rhythmic, almost like a song, a lullaby.  
  
"Fucking psychotic twisted seed-flap licking nookwhiffing grubsucking..." Karkat went on, and Sollux sighed into his arms. The gentle evening breeze blew past, ruffling his hair, and he inhaled the sweet scent of it, concentrating on the realness, the aliveness of Alternia, the comfort of being home.  
  
He opened his eyes to see Karkat's black hair reflecting the red-golden light of the sunset. He sighed and rested his head on Karkat's shoulder, the weight of that horrific experience in the ship finally coming off of his shoulders, now that he'd verbally told it to someone else.  
  
He relaxed and sighed heavily, inhaling the scent of KK's skin, his neck so close to Sollux's nose.  
  
"KK." Sollux said, and the string of explicatives and empty death threats on the deceased troll queen stopped.  
  
"What?"   
  
"This is...kinda...romantic." he said, and he felt a warm blush rise to his cheeks, and he saw the red flush in Karkat's in return.  
  
" _What_?"  
  
"Don't you think? Sitting up here, holding each other like this while we watch the sun set..."  
  
"Just what kind of romantic are we talking, here?" Karkat spat, and Sollux could hear the pain in his voice, the restraint at which he asked that question, trying not to push Sollux into anything he wasn't ready for.  
  
"Kinda...flushed, maybe." Sollux said. "Kinda, reddish, I guess."  
  
"Sollux Captor if you are fucking with me I swear I will rip out your throat with my own claws and serve you to Eridan on a silver plate-"  
  
"KK, come on, kiss me already."  
  
Karkat turned his head and lowered his warm lips to meet Sollux's in an instant. Warmth spread through Sollux's body, making his cheeks warm and his eartips tingle. KK's lips opened and then closed again, taking Sollux's in between them, gently sucking on them, pulling on them, drawing him in. And it was very, very pleasant.  
  
"Oh...wow..." Sollux said between kisses, and then he moved his lips back, and felt the tip of KK's tongue dart out and brush against him.  
  
"Oh...yeah..." Sollux said, parting his lips. Karkat pushed his tongue inside his entire mouth then, and Sollux wretched. His stomach churned and he pulled back involuntarily.  
  
The confusion on Karkat's face quickly melted into hurt.  
  
"I fucked it up." he said.  
  
"No! No, no, it was great." Sollux said. "KK, believe me..."  
  
Karkat turned his face away and Sollux thought his heart was going to break.  
  
"Come back. Do it again."  
  
"Why? You didn't like it."  
  
"NO! No, it's not that, it was great! I just...it just, you reminded me of her, just for a second...just...KK...come back. Erase her. Please. Kiss me."  
  
The pain he saw on Karkat's face was heavy.   
  
"Do you pity me?" he asked softly. Sollux's heart threatened to crack in half. He loved Karkat. He loved him so much he wanted to say yes, just to make him happy. He wanted to, so, so badly. Except that it wasn't true.   
  
"I...I love you." he said.   
  
"Do you _pity_ me?" Karkat asked again, his eyes looking forward out at the darkening sky, which was a deep blue now, the first stars beginning to appear.  
  
"I...a little. I'm trying. I can't...how can I? How can I pity anyone, when I'm the most pathetic troll there is?"  
  
Karkat's face turned to him and Sollux saw the mixture of emotions in his expression; deep pain and longing, sweet pity.  
  
"Fuck yes, you are." he said, and then he reached out his arms and pulled Sollux back to him, surrounding his lips in another kiss, deep, long, and sweet.

 

Sollux savored the delicious sensation of Karkat's lips, his cheeks flushed just as hot as they would have been for Eridan; yes, yes there was red, there was lots of red, and that was what he felt as the stars in the sky grew more numerous and the full night arrived.  
  
When they finally pulled apart, Sollux licked his own blood off of his bottom lip from where Karkat's teeth had lovingly scraped him.  
  
"Okay, look; I'm not the healthiest troll emotionally right now..."  
  
Karkat rolled his eyes.  
  
"You never were."  
  
"Exactly. So shut up for a second. I love you. Like, a lot. Like, you're the most important troll in my life, KK. I trust you, I need you, I depend on you. I feel your pity for me all the time, and it's awesome and I love it and I wouldn't ever throw that away."  
  
He watched Karkat's face as he spoke, saw the confusion there, saw him trying to hope and trying to force himself to be cynical.  
  
"Look, I'm broken, okay? Damaged goods. I can't pity you; not because I don't want to but because I can't. My red quadrant is fucked up, she fucked me up. Front door's closed with a big "Under repairs" sign on it. And I know you're sitting right outside waiting to get in. But...but I don't want to make you wait, uh, anymore. I don't know...how...to say this..."  
  
"I'm completely fucking confused." Karkat said. Sollux smiled in a way that Karkat thought was fairly cute, and he snorted and rolled his eyes.  
  
"Me too." Sollux said. "But what I'm trying to say is that...is that _nobody_ can get into my flushed quadrant, but if...if somebody could, if I was normal and somebody _could_ fill my red quadrant, it'd be you."  
  
He watched Karkat's ear twitch and a strange sort of half-smile appear on his face.  
  
"So what are we, then? Are we matesprits or not?"  
  
Sollux cringed at the word, and he saw Karkat's face fall.  
  
"Um...how about...friendsprits? Really really really red friends, with benefits?"  
  
Karkat's eyebrow raised up and he couldn't keep the hopeful smile from his face.  
  
"With benefits." he said.  
  
Sollux blushed heavily, his cheeks burning as the first breeze of night brushed over the roof, and it didn't cool him down whatsoever.  
  
"Um, yeah." he said. "I just...need to go slow, to, uh..."  
  
Karkat's arms were around him, strong and powerful, and next thing Sollux knew he was lying on his back, looking up at the stars with Karkat's lips kissing his over and over.  
  
Sollux gave up trying to talk and wrapped his arms around KK's back, tangling his fingers up in his hair. He groaned softly as he felt KK's body press down on him, alive and real and so much _smaller_ than hers. KK weighed nothing compared to her; Sollux wasn't trapped at all; could easily have pushed him off if he'd wanted to.  
  
He just didn't want to.


	8. Chapter 8

The flowers of second autumn started to bloom to their fullest a few weeks later, when Eridan came pounding on the front door, demanding he wanted Sollux’s attention. Sollux told him to go away several times, but he refused, until his shouting was starting to agitate the mind bees.  
  
So Sollux trolled his new auspitice, and he came right over. It turned out that Equius actually really liked to meddle.  
  
“Tell that mustard-blood slime that if I wwant sex, he has to givve it to me.” Eridan huffed outside, his shouting making Karkat snort and cover his ears.  
  
“It seems Mr. Captor isn’t interested right now. Why don’t you ask him for more platonic black attention?”  
  
Eridan’s snort could easily be heard through the window. Sollux sat at his computer desk, smirking to himself with satisfaction. There were few things as satisfying to him as teasing Eridan relentlessly, and keeping him locked outside was damn fun.  
  
“Platonic black attention!? It’s not like we just started dating a feww days ago…”  
  
“Actually, it hasn’t been more than a few weeks, Mr. Ampora.”  
  
More of Eridan’s cursing flowed through the window, and Sollux found himself laughing. This was so fun! Holy shit, he could sit here all day and piss Eridan off without even doing anything. His heart felt light and black. It was like they were made for each other.  
  
He glanced up and saw KK staring at him from his spot on the couch in the other room. His face turned quickly away, but Sollux caught the smile there, and his heart swelled even more. Karkat was happy just to see him smile. He was happy just to see him laugh. Red feelings rose and fell inside Sollux in waves, trying to surface, trying to come.  
  
He suddenly realized that he had nearly three-quadrants’ worth of trolls with him. He almost had a complete family, all in one place. It was rare for a troll to have two quadrant partners around at the same time, forget three. This was a special moment. He shouldn’t waste it.  
  
He rose to his feet and put his husktop on hibernate. KK looked up at him curiously, but didn’t say anything as he went upstairs to get changed. He dug through his closet, and for the first time since after, pulled out something besides his usual t-shirt. He tried on his only suit jacket. It was a little snug. Had he grown, since before? Had it really been that long?  
  
He changed into his best pair of pants and walked downstairs, making KK sit up straight like a meowbeast paying attention to a toy. Sollux laughed, stepped into the next room, and held out his hand towards KK.  
  
“I feel like going on a date, with three of my quad-mates.” he said. He could say it then. It was easy to say, when it was grouped together like that. Karkat’s eyes grew wide and he scrambled to get off the couch, tangling his legs in themselves and falling face first onto the coffee table.  
  
“FUCK!” he shouted, and Sollux rushed to his side, lifting his head while the troll snarled.  
  
“Let go, I’m fine, stop it!” KK protested while Sollux examined his eyes. There was just a scrape on his forehead, nothing serious. It turned a very slight red, but KK’s hair covered it when it fell loose, so he was still safe for going out in public.  
  
Sollux pulled him to his feet, surprised at the strength in his fully healed hand.  
  
“Come on, idiot.” he said, and then KK’s cheeks flushed bright red at their touch. As Sollux reached out and took his hand, their fingers sliding together in warmth and closeness.  
  
“Sure…” Karkat said, his voice cracking. Sollux laughed. Then he heard Eridan starting to scream in frustration again outside, and he laughed some more.  
  
He stepped outside and Eridan immediately leapt to attack him. Equius effortlessly reached out one arm and stopped the seatroll directly in his tracks.  
  
“Mr. Ampora, please. Demeanor befitting a troll of your status, if you would.”  
  
Eridan spat and sputtered and Sollux just laughed. Shit, he was cute when he was so pissed off.  
  
He stepped toward him and stuck out his arm toward Equius.  
  
“I think you should stay between us.” Sollux said, and he could see the pleased look on Equius’s face as he took Sollux’s arm. He grabbed Eridan behind his neck with his other, like he was a kitten, and started to force him forward as they walked down the hall of Sollux’s hive stem toward the elevators.

Living in a city made life very easy, at least for a troll who was never interested in nature. Well, not _never_ interested, Sollux thought as they walked down the sidewalk. He was noticing all of the second autumn flowers in bloom, deep purples and reds, and he couldn’t help but think how some of them tried to match the beautiful, brilliant red that was KK’s blood, and how they couldn’t come close.  
  
Sollux lived in the denser part of the city, where buildings were all crammed together and the poorer, lower class trolls lived. It was normally suicidal idiocy for him to wander into the upper class parts of the city- but now, he had a seatroll with him, and he was curious.  
  
“Ew, snotty rich highbloods live down that way.” he said, pointing his nose in the air. He heard Karkat snort beside him as he squeezed his hand.  
  
“Too good for the likes of you.” Eridan shot back. “It’s too much beauty for lowblood eyes like yours.”  
  
“Pffft, bullshit. It’s the same shithole stems like anywhere else.” Sollux said.  
  
Eridan laughed, a mocking, cynical laugh that made Sollux’s heart swell with hate for him. His stupid, annoying cape fluttered behind him as he walked, his aggravating, irritating zig-zag horns pointing toward the ground when he lifted his face to laugh at the sky.  
  
“Captor, the things you don’t knoww amaze me sometimes. No, all the time. I’d be surprised if you’ve never even seen the restaurant district.”  
  
“Why the fuck would I want to go to some highbood, snotty, know-it-all, I’m-better-than-everyone shithole, when I have shitholes right here like...BurgerQueen?”  
  
“Dammit, Captor, your ignorance is incredibly agitatin’! I can’t be datin’ someone this stupid. You knoww wwhat? I’m goin’ to take my auspitice up on his meddlesome advice. I’m takin’ you on a date, right noww.”  
  
Sollux smiled to himself, letting his front two fangs poke out from between his lips in a way that he knew Karkat found adorable and Eridan found irksome. It was so easy to manipulate his kismesis; he was so easy to read. Eridan might be able to physically best him, but Sollux had no doubt as to who was smarter between them.  
  
Eridan turned, pulling Equius behind him, who was linked to Sollux, who never let go of Karkat’s hand. The autumn night was beautiful, and they passed other sweethearts on the street; mostly matesprit couples walking cuddled together , a few morail couples cheerfully holding hands and passing by with happy chatter. The air was full of romance and Sollux found himself feeling lighthearted and playful. He let go of Karkat’s hand, earning him a scowl from him, but it dissipated as Sollux reached around behind his back, letting his lips brush over the tip of his ear, creating a slight red flush.  
  
Sollux grabbed the hardapple greenfruit off of the tree he was aiming for from behind Karkat’s back and turned back around to lob it over Equius’s, to have it land squarely on top of Eridan’s head.  
  
“Ow! Grubfuckin’ mustard-blooded…” he started to mumble, but Sollux’s laughter drowned out the rest of what he said. Equius gave him a stern look while Karkat smiled satisfactorily.  
  
As they walked, Sollux found his attention drawn to the hivestems that grew up on either side of the street. He knew what they looked like from internet pictures, of course, but it was something else to see the beautiful colors and smooth, elegant walls in person. They were beautiful, though the artistic decoration that had been carefully carved into their sides by artisans was damaged in many places, no doubt by the arguments and fights of trolls who had challenged each other in the streets.

 

They turned down another street, and this one had restaurant after restaurant with quaint little tables and chairs out in front of each. Burning candles lined the buildings along with the electric lights, and very well-dressed, high class trolls sat talking quietly in some seats, sweetly snarling at each other in others.  
  
Sollux felt a bit awkward, and the closer they got, the more he could feel Karkat tensing up by his side.  
  
“I…should…go.” he said, his voice strained.  
  
“Naw, it’s alright, KK.” Sollux said. Yeah, there was the chance of danger here, but it was just regular trolls, bluebloods mostly, and none of them would ever be a match for her. They were hardly threats to him at all; he almost wanted to laugh.  
  
“Equius will protect us. Besides, none of them are any match for my psionics if we get into any real trouble. I’ll keep you safe.”  
  
Karkat’s face flushed at the soft tone in Sollux’s voice. There was no doubting the red tones to it at all, and Sollux confirmed his feelings by leaning over to press a sweet, gentle kiss against Karkat’s cheek.  
  
Karkat snarled curses softly under his breath, and Sollux fell just a little bit in love with him, and it was nice. It was balanced by the hate he felt for Eridan, and he could deal with it. He could deal with this.  
  
Eridan spoke to a guard at one of the doors to a very fancy restaurant, and he let them inside. The motley troll group followed Eridan, passing through the dining room while staring eyes were trained on them. Some trolls glanced at Eridan with disapproving snarls, but others were sharing tables with lowbloods, too. It seemed Eridan knew what he was doing, because he’d picked a place that appeared to be somewhat tolerant of mixed-class relationships. They were shown a table outside on the street, under the candle light, and Sollux found his hate for Eridan subside a bit, which annoyed him, which brought it right back.  
  
“You’re so irritatingly thoughtful.” he said, which earned him a very cute sneer of anger. Karkat pulled his chair out for him as he sat down, and Sollux’s entire face flushed yellow. He was so completely overwhelmed by such pleasant emotions all around, he could hardly think.  
  
The waiter, a very pretty green blood, brought their menus and Sollux blushed. He’d never been served by someone who was a higher caste than he was! Karkat mumbled a thank you and practically buried his head under his arms with embarrassment, looking incredibly cute and even a little pitiable. Okay, maybe really pitiable.  
  
Sollux looked at the menu and had no idea what to order. He didn’t even know how to pronounce half the things on the menu, even if he didn’t have a lisp. He squinted, trying to read it through his duel-colored glasses, and Eridan sat across from him, face in a satisfied smirk, as he was ready to watch Sollux make a total ass out of himself and Karkat.  
  
When the waiter came, Eridan said something in a seatroll dialect that Sollux couldn’t even understand. Then the waiter took Equius’s order, and then turned to him.  
  
“I’ll have…uh…um…what…which…item…” he was trying is best not to use any words with the letter ‘s’ in them, but it was nearly impossible. He sweated, nervous, while the waiter glared down at him, impatient. It was clear to him that Sollux was a lower caste than he was, and he was certain that if he wasn’t working, he wouldn’t have given him the time of year.

 

A flush rose to Sollux’s cheeks, exposing his yellow color, making him flush even more as he stuttered. He caught a glimpse of Eridan’s smug expression from across the table, and he glared at him. Karkat remained with his arms covering his head, his long sleeves covering every part of his skin except for his hands.  
  
“He’ll have glok’rb with rk’ul sauce, one for each of them.” Equius finally piped up, and the waiter quickly wrote it down and hurried off. Sollux looked to him with a grateful smile. Of course, Equius would rescue him…but not until after Eridan had had his fun, he realized. Damn, he would always take both of their sides, wouldn’t he? It was just so annoying. And perfect.  
  
Sollux leaned over to Karkat and brushed the backs of his fingers along his arm, coaxing him to raise his head. He lifted it slowly, peering out at the world from over his folded arms, his adorable little eyes looking more afraid than angry, for once.  
  
“Kk, come out.” Sollux said, as if he was a little grub who hadn’t yet shed his extra limbs. Sollux reached up and started to stroke his hair, running his fingers through between his short, nubby horns, and he watched as Karkat tried to snarl and couldn’t.  
  
Just then a gentle breeze blew by, rustling the decorative garden trees that stood at the corners of the patio. Yellow and pink blossoms rained down on the eating trolls, making most of the guests snarl with annoyance at flowers falling into their food.  
  
But the way Karkat’s head was turned, his neck bent just so as he finally lifted his head, made the blossoms fall suddenly in slow motion around them both. The rest of the world disappeared and Karkat was all Sollux could see; the lashes of his eyes blinking as he looked up at the swirling colors falling around them, the way his hair ruffled just slightly as it fell nearly in his eyes, the way his lips parted just so, the way they did right before a curse came out. He appeared so beautiful, so gentle, so graceful for just a flash of a moment; the way he was always trying to be, but could never truly pull off because his own insecurities got in the way, and it was absolutely the most pitiful sight he’d ever seen.  
  
Sollux’s heart swelled with flushed pity and he leaned forward, not caring two shits about anyone around them as he leaned his hands on the table and planted a kiss on Karkat’s lips. His red crush yelped, startled, and turned towards him to say something- which just shifted them into a better angle for the kiss, and Sollux pressed his lips to him.  
  
Karkat melted into Sollux’s breath in that moment, and they folded their arms around each other and kissed over and over, little moaney grunts coming out of Kk’s throat, and Sollux felt his cheeks glowing with warmth.  
  
He felt a hand on his shoulder, and he pulled back, leaving Karkat sitting it his seat, startled.  
  
“Pardon me, Mr. Captor.” Equius’s voice said, rather soft and gentle, even for him. “I know it’s not really appropriate to have a red auspitice, but there are formal codes of conduct to be followed…”  
  
“No, it’s alright. I’m thorry.” Sollux said, not caring two shits about what anyone thought of his accent right now.  
  
He frowned. His accent. It wasn’t a fucking lisp, dammit. It was an accent, it was the way all psionic trolls spoke, it was part of his culture and heritage. He’d never thought of it like that before, because, well, before her, he hadn’t known. He hadn’t known about his ancestor; and as he thought about that, he smiled gently to himself. She had been horrible and wicked, crazy and vile, but that didn’t mean everything she’d changed in him was bad. She’d taught him about his ancestor, after all. And he’d been a damned good helmsman; he must have been, he must have been the _best_ one, for her to have chosen him.  
  
And Sollux was his descendant; descended from the best one. He sat back in his seat, a ridiculously dreamy smile plastered to his face, and it only grew as he looked over at Eridan and saw his annoyed disgust at Sollux’s performance. His heart was full of hate and pity and love and ash, all at once, and everything was perfect, and nothing hurt.


	9. Chapter 9

 

For the weeks following their date, life was perfect.  Sollux finally felt like leaving his hive, and he went with Karkat to do normal, everyday activities like grocery shopping and clothes shopping.  He got into an awesome programming groove, where the ideas flowed from his fingers like honey; but it wasn’t his usual mania.  He was able to stop during the day and sleep decent hours.

 

Equius filed Sollux’s horns one last time, and they were finally even.  He looked at himself in the mirror and smiled, turning his head this way and that to admire Equius’s work.

 

He saw Karkat walk up behind him, and he let him snake his arms around his waist.  Sollux smiled when he rested his chin on his shoulder.

 

“Best looking troll around.” Karkat said softly.  Sollux leaned his cheek on top of Kk’s head, his glasses squishing up against his face, though he hardly cared.

           

“EQ does pretty awesome work.” he said.

 

“I wasn’t talking about your horns, perfect as those are.” Karkat said, giving him a kiss on his cheek.  Sollux blushed and sighed dreamily.  They regularly cuddled now; exchanging quick pecks on cheeks and foreheads frequently, holding hands, snuggling on the couch when they watched movies.  Karkat never once asked him if they could take things further; he never pushed, he never ruined it. 

 

Eridan came by for a visit about once a week.  Equius always came, too; and he and Karkat and usually Gamzee would hang out down in the living room while Sollux and Eridan had wild, passionate sex upstairs.  He could never figure out how Equius knew when things got out of hand, but he somehow always showed up at the right time to pull them apart.

 

Sollux and Karkat usually ate dinner up on the roof with Dads, enjoying the gorgeous sunrises and beautiful fall weather.  They were in the throes of red flushed romance now; lying on a blanket as they ate a picnic, staring at each other with blushing faces.  It was so movie-perfect and sickeningly sweet; and Sollux would take pictures of them cuddling to send to Eridan, just to piss him off.

 

The autumn was ending.  Most of the trees were bare now, with a few clumps of brown, dead leaves stubbornly hanging on.  The nights became cooler, though the days remained searingly hot, as they would for a few months yet.  Sollux was busy typing away at his computer when he felt, rather than heard, a loud rumble.  He frowned, thinking perhaps it was an earthquake; but then it happened again, and again, and suddenly he noticed Trollian lighting up with messages from all of his friends.

 

GC:  G3T YOUR BULG3 R34DY, TH3 DRON3S 4R3 COM1NG FOR US TH1S Y34R.  H3H3  > : ]

 

AC: :33 < *ac is both excited and nervous about her first time filling a bucket!  She hopes she does a good job*

 

AT:  uH, sOLLUX, i DON’T KNOW IF THERE’S A BETTER WAY TO SAY THIS, BUT CAN YOU PLEASE TELL kARKAT THAT gAMZEE WON’T BE AVAILABLE  FOR AWHILE,

 

wE’RE, UH, HE’S A LITTLE BUSY,

 

Sollux stared at his screen, frozen in place.  He’d heard the drones before, of course; they came by every sweep around this time; he’d even seen them, having not been afraid to go outside while they were around- because he’d been too young.

 

But apparently this year, they weren’t.  Sollux and his friends were considered to have reached sexual maturity.  Everyone else seemed rather excited about it.  He hurried to open a chat with Eridan.

 

TA: Erii, get your a22 over two my hiive pronto.  The drone2 are here.

TA: Erii.  Diid you hear what ii 2aiid?  ii need two fuck you, you fucker.

TA: Eriidan ii 2wear…

CA: Fuck off, Captor.  I have redder company than you; some that can actually breathe underwater. 

TA: 2iince when do you have a matespriit?

CA: Since noww.  Noww shut up.

TA: But ii don’t have a matespriit!  What the fuck am ii supposed to do?

CA: You have a fuckin’ live-in matesprit wife servant who dotes on you hand and foot, wwhat the fuck are you talkin’ about?

TA: But we’re not ready for that yet!  We’ve never gotten that far.

CA: Not my problem.

 

caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

 

Sollux’s blood turned cold.  He stared at the screen.  More messages popped up, but he ignored them.  He couldn’t do this; he was going to fall apart, fuck Eridan, fuck him, what the hell was Sollux going to do?  He couldn’t just…let himself and Karkat get culled; that couldn’t happen, he’d have to…

 

Well, Karkat had jerked him off once before.  And it had felt rather nice.  The real problem was he didn’t know if he could do it in return.  He could feel flushed romantic things just fine now, but when it came to flushed _sexual_ things…

           

Nausea hit him and forced him to sit back down.  He could feel it; the wall inside of him that held back his sexual pity, because he was terrified of the ugliness on the other side. 

 

He heard the pounding of the drone’s giant feet on the street outside.  Heard it stop at the entrance to his hivestem.  Heard the noise of hundreds of mini-drones, created specifically for crowded cities like his, and the softer thunder of them running along the halls inside his building.

 

He heard the softest sound of his front door closing.

 

Did KK somehow not hear them?  Why was he going out into the hall?  Worried for his bestfriendsprit, Sollux hurried downstairs and rushed to the front door.  His hand was on the lever when he heard the unmistakable sound of baby drones rushing down the hall, each one stopping at a door to a hiveunit and pounding on it, demanding genetic fluid.

            He heard one stop in front of his own door.

            “Deposit genetic fluid from Sollux Captor and concupiscent partner.”

            “He’s not home.” he heard Karkat’s voice snarl. Sollux’s blood turned to ice.  KK, what are you doing?  Don’t you know that lying to a drone is a cullable offense?

            “Unacceptable reply.  Sensors indicate Sollux Captor is present inside the residence.  Deposit genetic fluid from Sollux Captor and concupiscent partner, or be culled.”

            Sollux heard the unmistakable sound of Karkat uncaptchaing his sickles.  KK, no, don’t…”

            “He’s.  Not.  Ready.” Karkat spat.

            “Incorrect reply.  Sollux Captor is 7 sweeps old, which indicates sexual maturity.  Be prepared to be culled.”

            The blood drained from Sollux’s face.  He was seven sweeps?  An entire sweep had gone by since before?  How much of his life had he lost?  How long had he been sitting here in his hive, pathetic and useless?

            He heard the loud, mechanical noise that sent every troll into nightmares from the moment they wriggled to the surface as grubs.  The sound of a drone going into culling mode, revealing it’s weapons and instruments of destruction. 

            He also heard the sound of Karkat’s battle cry, and a loud snarl that included several variations of curses, and then his entire hive vibrated as something huge slammed into the wall in the hall outside.

            Like a scared wiggler, Sollux ran away from the noise and hid behind the couch.  As if the soft cushions could protect him from a _drone_.  He was terrified, fearing for KK’s life, but every time he went to get up and help him, he froze.  He was no warrior.  He  had no power to fight.  If he was useless against her, then how could he fight one of her drones, with her symbol on it?  It was a piece of her, left over, angry that he’d killed her and it had come for him.

            He heard Karkat’s voice scream with fury and rage.  He heard the loud sound of tearing metal and tearing flesh, then a thunderous crash, and then silence.  It was all over.  Karkat was dead.  It would be coming for Sollux any moment.

            The door opened.  Sollux buried his head with his arms and shivered.  Perhaps if he appeared young enough, the drone would think he was too young…

            “Any moron could see you there, dipshit.” Karkat said.  Sollux sprang to his feet.  Karkat was covered in his weird mutant blood, and splashes of oil and grease.  He ran over and hugged him tightly, his claws digging into his back as he sobbed on his shoulder.

            “KK, holy shit, what the fuck is wrong with you, you’re such an impulithive idiot, do you know how worried I was about your moronic stupid ath…”

            Karkat wrapped his arms tightly around Sollux and held him.

            “I love you too.” he said.  Sollux knew.  Oh fuck, did Sollux know; Karkat had risked his life to protect him from…her.  It wasn’t sex Sollux was afraid of.  He loved sex with Eridan.  It was _her_ ; and Karkat was still fighting her; still rescuing Sollux from her, over and over, he never got tired of it; he never gave up.

            He had nearly died so that Sollux wouldn’t have to face her.  He knew he should just suck it up and say fuck it, KK, I don’t want you risking your life because I’m afraid of red sex; let’s go find a drone right now and do it.  But he couldn’t.  He was broken.

            And Karkat still loved him anyway.

           

            The sound of drones filled the day for hours.  Every time a couple finished, one would be heard leaving down the hall.  Then there would be silence for a few hours before another one turned and left, carrying their precious cargo that was the future of the troll race.  Drones, despite their ferocity, were perfectly patient as long as a couple was engaging in activities that would eventually lead to bucket-filling.  Even when red couples wanted to start with a romantic movie, or black couples wanted to start with a competitive game, drones would happily wait.  So some couples took over a day to finish, and as long as any miniature drone remained in the building, the enormous giant one outside would wait.

            “How’s it going?” Karkat asked, as Sollux hunched over his workbench, wishing for once that he _was_ in a manic state, because damn all this coffee was going to kill his heart.

            “It would go fathter if you’d thtop athking me every fucking ten minuteth.” he spat, his lisp worse- no, his accent thicker- than ever as he concentrated on repairing the drone Karkat had maimed.

            “You did a number on thith thing.”

            “Yeah, well.  I was protecting my matesprit.”

            Sollux’s cheeks flushed yellow at the word.  He liked hearing it.  From Karkat.  Only from Karkat.  She had no right to use it.  She had no right to say it.

            He accidentally crushed the delicate aluminum connector he’d been working on and cursed.

            “Fuck you Condesce, bullshit bitch of the planet.” he mumbled.  Behind him, a tiny smile appeared at the corner of Karkat’s mouth.  It was the healthiest thing Sollux had said since he’d come home, and it made his heart glow warm.

            All the other drones had returned to their mother drone hours ago, and yet, the giant still waited.  It knew how many residents lived in the hivestem; it knew how many drones it had sent out, and it would stand there and wait until they had all returned.  Until then, no one could leave the building, or they would be culled.  And no troll could possibly stand a chance against a full-sized drone.

            Two days later, without stopping to sleep, eating only when Karkat set a plate in front of him, and Sollux was done.  Karkat helped him lift the repaired drone  and carry it to the front door of their hiveunit.  They set it down, facing the door, turned it on and slammed the door shut.

            “You’re sure you programmed it to believe you weren’t home.” Karkat whispered as they watched.

            “If you’re doubting my programming abilities you can go fuck yourself.” Sollux spat back, also in a whisper.

            “It’s not moving, shitstain.”

            “It’s still going through its booting sequence, asswipe.”

            “Maybe you should have repaired it better.”

            “Maybe you shouldn’t have fucked it up so much.”

            The lights of the eyes finally turned on.  The drone moved its head, took a step forward, and knocked on the door.  The two trolls inside held their breath.

            After a second knock, it turned, and started to walk down the hall.  Karkat let out a breath he’d been holding.  He looked over at Sollux, who had an expression of relief on his face.

            “You’re a genius.” he said.

            “Tell me something I don’t know.”

            Karkat instead wrapped his arm around Sollux’s neck and pulled him into a kiss.  Sollux melted into his arms, days of stress and tension leaking out of him, until he collapsed and fell asleep, right there on the floor.

           

            Sollux stretched out on the couch, comfortable and lazy as he leaned his back against Karkat’s chest.  They were watching some documentary about barkbeasts or something, but Sollux wasn’t paying any attention to it.  His attention was instead on Karkat’s hand as it traced lazily through his hair, circling around his horns in a way that made him feel buzzed and warm. 

            Karkat heard his husktop chime, but he was far too comfortable to move.  Whoever it was, they could wait.

            It chimed again.  And again, and again.  He sighed.

            “I’ll be right back, baby.” he said.  Sollux stuck his tongue out.  Karkat gave it a quick peck, causing Sollux’s cheeks to flush, and stood up to walk to his computer.

            Sollux lay comfortably for a minute, trying to keep Karkat’s spot on the couch warm as he waited for him to come back.  He heard furious typing for a moment, which was completely like KK, to overreact to whatever it was.  But then the typing slowed down.  Then it stopped completely, and Sollux heard nothing.

            He sat up to see what was the matter, and saw Karkat staring numbly at the screen, his fingers frozen over the letters on the keyboard.

            “KK?”

            Sollux got up and walked over to him, his heart sinking as he watched Karkat’s snarl change, in the most subtlest of ways, to a face of absolute stone.

            “My lusus.” Karkat squeaked out softly.  “During the pail-filling, Gamzee was at Tavros’s for a few days, and he couldn’t feed my lusus.”

            Sollux’s heart sank into the pit of his stomach.  Karkat stood up like a robot; his face frozen, his muscles taught.

            “I need to go see him.  I need to bury him.” Karkat said, his tone dead, his voice empty.

            “Okay.  Let’s go.” Sollux said.

            “You don’t have to co…”

            “The fuck if I’m not coming.” was his reply.  Karkat didn’t argue with him.  He turned towards the door in silence, and Sollux grabbed his coat for him when he grabbed his own.  It was late autumn and the night was cold.  He put it around Karkat’s shoulders and he didn’t protest.

            The ride to Karkat’s hive was miserable and silent.  When they arrived it was obvious no one had been living there.  Though Gamzee had tried, taking care of two homes was clearly too much for him.  The yard was overgrown.  The windows were dirty. 

            It took Karkat a moment to find his key, because he’d forgotten which one it was. 

They found Crabdad in the kitchen, lying by his food bowl. 

            “Oh, fuck.” Karkat said, his voice full of pain and guilt.  He ran to his side and put his hand on his lusus’ head.

            “Dad, I’m so sorry.  I…I should have visited you, I should have told you where I was.  I’m fine.  I’m safe.  I was with Sollux, Dad.  We’re in pity.  We’re dating red.  I…I’m sorry, I should have checked on you, I should have…”

            He leaned down over the white body, burying his face in his arms, and sobbed.  It tore at Sollux’s heart to see it, and he turned away.

            “I’ll let you have a moment together.” he said softly, and he went into the living room.  It was strange and surreal to be in this place again, after such a long time.  He hadn’t been here since before.  It seemed like another life now; a childhood long, long gone, full of nothing but silly dreams and video games and staying up late days to play Flarp.

            Sollux sat down on the couch, and listened to Karkat sobbed as he sliced his dad into pieces with his claws.  It was a death of honor for a lusus to be killed by its ward in battle; it meant the child had reached maturity and no longer needed a parent.  Even when lusii deaths happened in other ways, like this, it was still a sign of honor to bury their body as if it had died in noble battle.

            When it sounded like Karkat was finished, Sollux got up and went to help him.  It was cold outside, so he was more grateful than ever that he’d brought Karkat’s coat.  They carried the pieces outside and started to dig holes into the cold ground.  Karkat’s face was stone, though a few tears fell now and then.  When the task was finished they both stood, staring at the fresh earth.  Sollux reached out to take Karkat’s hand.  He clasped it with a grip of iron.

            “Crabdad Vantas was a great lusus.” Sollux said.  “He was the only creature on Alternia that was crankier than you.”

            Karkat squeezed his hand tightly.

            “I never …told him I was safe…”

            “Oh, he fucking knew, come on.  If he’d been worried about you, he would of torn your hive apart looking for you, and then he would have left to go look for you.  But he knew you were morails with Gamzee.  He knew if Gamzee wasn’t worried about you and that you were safe.”

            He heard Karkat sob with relief, then.  Sollux pulled him into his arms and held him for as long as they could in the cold.  The wind blew and orange leaves from a nearby tree fell all around them, covering the ground where Crabdad lay.

            “We can go home now.” Karkat said softly.  “Thank you for coming, Sol.”

            “Of course.” he said, and for once, he couldn’t think of an insult to make Karkat feel better.

 

            Sollux watched Karkat refuse to mourn his lusus for weeks.  He went about his daily life with a stony, cold expression; not snarling at anything, not cursing at anyone.  Sollux tried to be patient; after all, Karkat had had infinite patience for him.  It hurt to watch him suffer; but he knew he had to mourn in his own way. 

            Finally, Sollux came down one evening to see Karkat typing furiously at his husktop, his stony expression faltering, his lips turning down in a deep frown as his eyes watered.

            Sollux looked over his shoulder, not caring if it was rude.  He was talking to Gamzee. 

 

TC:  CaN a BrO gEt HiS aPoLoGy On AnY sTrOnGeR?  tHiS mOtHeRfUcKeR dOeSn’T dEsErVe To Be YoUr MoRaIl oR eVeN fRiEnD.

 

CG: SHUT UP ASSHOLE.  I NEED YOU IN MY LIFE MORE THAN EVER NOW HOW DARE YOU USE THIS AS AN EXCUSE TO TRY TO LEAVE ME.

 

TC: i’M nOt LeAvInG yOu, I’m JuSt SaYiNg ThAt I wOuLd ToTaLlY uNdErStAnD iF yOu WaNtEd To AlL uP aNd LeAvE mE.

 

CG:  FUCK YOU TRYING TO GET OUT OF CLEANING UP THIS MESS YOU MADE.  YOU’RE STUCK WITH ME FOR LIFE AND YOU’RE GOING TO DEAL WITH IT.  I LOVE YOU FUCKER.

TC: I lOvE yOu ToO, bRoThEr. WhIcH iS wHy I’m AlL uP aNd FeElInG yOuR pAiN. :*o(   <>

 

CG:  GOOD, THEN WE AGREE.  WE’RE BOTH STUCK WITH EACH OTHER NO MATTER HOW SHITTY THINGS GET.  NOW LET ME WALLOW IN MY MISERY ALONE FOR AWHILE.

 

TC: jUsT DoN’T wAlLoW fOr ToO lOnG.

 

terminallyCapricious [TC] has ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

 

            Sollux watched Karkat’s lip quiver, and then watched his face crumble.  A tear fell and that opened the waterfall, and before Sollux even thought about it, he was sweeping Karkat into his arms.

            “Oh, Kk, I’m so sorry.” he said softly.  Karkat sobbed into his shoulder, deep, wracking wails that echoed off the walls. 

            “I hadn’t seen Dad in almost a sweep.  Never visited, never told him I missed him, where I was, what I was doing!  I never even said goodbye!”

            Sollux led Karkat to the couch, his heart breaking as he saw the pain on his matesprit’s face.  It was the saddest thing Sollux had ever seen.  He ached with hurt for his friend, his sweetheart.  He couldn’t imagine how he would feel when Dads died.  Most trolls were able to handle it, because most of the time they were mature enough, ready to live on their own, when their lusii died. 

            It was painfully apparent, that even though Karkat had been basically living on his own for almost a sweep, that he wasn’t yet ready. 

            “He didn’t even get to die at my hand, like a proper lusus!  He starved to death from neglect.  Starved!  He must have been hungry for so long…”

            Karkat wailed unabashedly, his fangs protruding as he curled his lips back and sobbed toward the ceiling.  Sollux knew that he would never show such deep emotion like this in front of anyone else, except maybe Gamzee.  But Gamzee was probably dealing with the guilt that he’d let Crabdad starve; there was no way he could be there to comfort Karkat through this.

            And that was what Sollux wanted to do; comfort KK.  He held him close while Karkat clung to him, his claws digging into the back of his shirt, putting holes in it.  Sollux’s heart ached for him heavily; with every sob out of Karkat’s throat, Sollux’s heart grew heavier.  He wanted to make him better.  He wanted to make him right. 

            Karkat sobbed again, his mouth pulling downward in a frown deeper than Sollux had ever seen, and his heart wept.  He felt it crack open; he felt Karkat’s pain and he wanted to fix it.  Compassion flowed out of him; Karkat was too precious, Karkat was to special to have to feel this.  Sollux looked down at the troll in his arms and it was the most pathetic sight he’d ever seen. 

            Like a tidal wave hitting a wall with a thousand fissures in it, Sollux’s heart broke open and pity surged out of it, pouring over everything else Sollux might have felt, drowning him in it.  Karkat shouldn’t suffer.  He was too beautiful for that; he was too perfect to hurt like this.  Sollux was overwhelmed with the desire to fix it, to fix him, to make it right.  To make him not hurt. 

            He pulled Karkat’s face up to his and kissed his lips, softly, gently.  Karkat’s claws dug into his back, holding him close.  He sobbed up into Sollux’s mouth, and so Sollux kissed him again, then again, then again.  He had to show Karkat how much he loved him.  He needed to feel the depth of his love.

            “Sol…I don’t know…if I can handle keeping my distance from you right now…” Karkat said through his sobs.  Sollux pushed forwards, forcing Karkat to lean back until he was lying face-up on the couch. Sollux moved so he was on top of him, and lowered his lips to Karkat’s cheeks, his chin, his neck.

            “We’re not keeping any distance tonight.” he said softly, purring into Karkat’s ear.  Wow, it was such a perfect ear; how had he never noticed this before?  He had to show the ear how perfect it was; he kissed it, but that wasn’t enough.  He slid out his tongue and licked it, and he heard Karkat gasp through his sobs.

            “Sol…Sol…Sol…” he tried.

            “Shhhhh.” Sollux said.  “You just look so incredibly pathetic right now, I can’t help myself.” he said, and it was true.  Karkat needed pity.  All of the pity.  And Sollux was going to give it to him, all night, every drop.

            Karkat moaned softly, his clasp on Sollux becoming less of a death grip and more of a sensual hug.  He stroked his palms over Sollux’s back.

            Sollux took the tip of Karkat’s ear into his mouth and sucked, running his teeth gently over the skin.  Karkat whined, and it was such a better sound than his wailing.  Sollux smiled.  It was working. 

            He wasn’t stupid.  He knew Karkat would need to mourn his lusus for awhile, and that some sweet sex wasn’t going to erase his pain.  But his hormones didn’t know any better; all they knew was that he saw the troll he was flushed for in a state that overwhelmed him with pity.  But he wasn’t about to argue with them.  Karkat wasn’t either.

            Sollux moved his lips down Kk’s neck, and it tasted amazing.  He smelled amazing.  Sollux’s cheek brushed past Karkat’s and he felt the wetness of his tears.  He reached up with his thumb and brushed them away, and had the satisfaction of feeling no more fall.  He was going to wear Karkat out, he was going to make him exhausted from love, so that he fell peacefully asleep and his recooperacoon could help him sort out his emotions for his lusus.

            He moved his lips to press them against the front of Karkat’s throat.  He felt his breathing increase, felt his blood grow warm.  Sollux’s cheeks flushed heavily as he opened his mouth and set his teeth over Karkat’s trachea, one of the raunchiest, and sweetest, gestures that a matesprit could give.  To show that your partner could trust you to never, ever hurt them; to never have a drop of black within you toward them.  Karkat groaned with pleasure.  Sollux felt the lump in Karkat’s pants below him.  His bone bulge was already growing. 

            “Sollux.” he said, his breath panting between words, “If.  You.  Are.  Leading.  Me.  On…”

            Sollux ran his tongue up Karkat’s chin and to his lips.  He looked down at his matesprit’s red eyes and purred.

            “I am not leading you on.” he cooed.  “I’m gonna take this anywhere you want it to go.”

            Karkat whined, which was a much, much better sound than his crying.  Sollux continued to stare into Karkat’s eyes.  The redness of them was absolutely stunning.  Sollux didn’t know how he’d never noticed that before.

            He slid his fingers down Karkat’s shirt, tracing around the symbol a few times, before he lowered his fingers to the hem of Karkat’s shirt.  He tickled the exposed flesh and Karkat’s skin jumped.  Sollux laughed, his cheeks burning with flushed heat as he pulled Karkat’s shirt up, the other troll cooperating fully to help him get it off.  It was tossed somewhere on the other side of the couch, to be forgotten for the immediate future.

            Sollux then sat up, straddling Karkat between his legs.  Karkat whined and Sollux could clearly feel his bone bulge through his pants now.  He looked down at Karkat with a sweet, flirty smile and ground down, so Karkat could feel his own.

            Karkat whined and purred, his hands scrambling as he didn’t know what to do with them, before he sunk his claws into the couch.  Sollux gave him a wink and then reached down to pull his own shirt off, the cool air of the room feeling good against his hot skin.  He didn’t feel self-conscious at all.  He was in flushed love from head to toe, and he trusted his mate.

            Sollux saw Karkat’s eyes wandering over his chest, and then watched him advert his attention.

            “No, it’s okay.  You can look.” he cooed.  He shifted his hips again so that Karkat could feel his bulge.  Karkat’s eyes came back to stare at him immediately, his cheeks glowing that strange red color, his nostrils flared as he tried to get enough air.

            “Sol, you don’t have to do thi…”

            Sollux leaned down and kissed him.  And kissed him, and kissed him, and kissed him.

            He pulled up a few inches and ran his fingers down KK’s cheek.

            “I want to.” he said.  “I want you.”

            Karkat mewled, his hands travelling up to clasp Sollux’s hair, tracing between his horns.  Sollux smiled, his heart racing as he traced his lips lower, down over Karkat’s bare chest, his palms touching every square inch of his red-flushed skin as he made his way down Karkat’s chest, to his stomach, then to his abdomen.

            “Quit being such a fucking tease already.” Karkat whined, and Sollux laughed.

            “KK, I’ve made a direct route down to the top of your pants.  Other trolls might have I dunno, taken ten minutes.  I am not being a tease, you’re just impatient as fuck.”

            Karkat’s fingers wrapped themselves tightly in Sollux’ hair.

            “I’ve been waiting for you for sweeps, I’m done being patient.”

            “You win this round, Vantas.” Sollux said, his lips hovering over the top of Karkat’s pants as he slid his hands down to unbuckle his pants.  Karkat whined as Sollux’s knuckles brushed over his bulge.  He eagerly lifted his hips to help Sollux pull his pants down, and Sollux shoved them to his knees while his eyes traced up the swollen, dripping bulge in front of his eyes.

            Pity burned in him as desire flushed through him.  He lowered his lips to kiss the side of Karkat’s bulge, and he whimpered and tightened his fingers in Sollux’s hair.

            Sollux stuck out his tongue and ran it up Karkat’s length slowly, gently.  It was nothing like being with Eridan.  It was like nothing else at all.  He heard Karkat’s panting breaths, and his heart raced with pleasure.  He trailed up to Karkat’s tip and sucked it into his mouth, the keen coming from his matesprit’s voice making his heart glow with pity and love and lust.  Karkat tasted delicious.  He wanted more.

            He opened his mouth further and sucked his bulge deeper into his mouth.  Karkat’s feet jerked and his claws dug into Sollux’s hair. 

            “Sollux dammit fuck you how can you do this to me so easily…”

            Sollux slid his tongue along Karkat’s shaft and teased him with it, squeezing him with his lips, keeping his teeth far away from it.  He moved up and down slowly, gently, making Karkat whine and keen with every motion.  He started to buck up into Sollux’s mouth, panting, sweating, growing more desperate.  And then he stopped.

            Sollux slid his mouth slowly up until Karkat’s bulge was out of it.  He looked up at Karkat’s face and saw it heavily flushed, his eyelids halfway closed, with an expression of deep pity and love.

            “Kk?”

            “Come here.” Karkat whispered, his voice soft and lustful.  Sollux blushed.  He had never heard Karkat whisper before.  It was a very intimate sound; it matched Karkat’s expression. Sollux eagerly stretched himself out to lay beside Karkat, resting his face near him.  Karkat wrapped one arm behind Sollux’s shoulders and gave his forehead a kiss.

            “I’d really like…if you’d expose your bulge to me.” he said, his voice shaking.  Sollux’s cheeks and ears burned at the words.  “But you really, really don’t have to.”

            Sollux shook as he lowered his hands to his own pants.  Karkat was letting him do it; letting him remove his own clothes, instead of taking them off himself, and he really appreciated it.  He was leaving all of the power with Sollux; Sollux had every choice, at every moment, and the depth of the thoughtfulness sank straight to his heart.

            He slid his own pants down to his knees, the cool air strange against his hot, swollen bulge.  He looked down at them; one red, one yellow, pulsing beside each other, each with the same need, the same want.  He tilted his face back up to KK’s. 

            “I really, really want thith.” he said.  Pity washed over Karkat’s face and he leaned forward, pressing their lips together slowly, sweetly.  Karkat’s tongue darted out and then shrank back, and Sollux knew he was still afraid, still holding himself back, out of fear of Sollux’s feelings.  And he supposed he still needed that.  He needed to move slowly.  Very slowly.  But he still wanted to move.

            Karkat looked at him, panting, his hair a mess, some of it plastered to his forehead with sweat.  Sollux leaned down and slinked his tongue out to brush it over Karkat’s lips.  He did it again, and again, and then Karkat let his tongue emerge again.  They kissed in slow, wet kisses, drool dripping down Karkat’s cheek as it leaked out of the corner of his mouth.  Sollux felt Karkat lick the top of his tongue hungrily, slowly, his breath rushing out of his mouth and down into Sollux’s lungs. 

            He felt Karkat’s hand slowly slide down his belly.  Slowly for Karkat, anyway.  His fingers tentatively brushed Sollux’s bulge, and Sollux whined, bucking his hips forward into Karkat’s touch.  With encouragement like that, Karkat shifted until their bulges where touching each other, and he wrapped both of them together in his palm.  He pulled down, stroking them together, and Sollux forgot that he had any bones.

            “KK.” he whispered, his head falling back to rest on Karkat’s shoulder.  Karkat’s hand stroked them together, keeping their most intimate parts pressed close, while his other hand wrapped tightly around Sollux’s shoulders.  Sollux curled his arms into KK’s chest and he breathed him in with every inhale.  Karkat was so close.  So real.  He was all Sollux could feel; all he could see, and all that mattered. 

            “KK, I pity you so much.” he whispered.  He tilted his face to kiss Karkat’s cheek and saw another tear fall from his eye.

            “Oh no, don’t cry anymore right now.” he said.  “Just think about us, just think about this moment, KK.  About how we have each other.”

            Karkat’s eyes fluttered closed, and Sollux felt his arm tighten around his shoulders.  He opened them and looked into Sollux’s face, the flush of his red blood burning in his cheeks.

            “I am.” he said.  He squeezed their bulges together and stroked them faster.  Pleasure poured into Sollux’s blood, making him full of pity and love and lust.  “I never thought I’d ever get to be with you, like this.” Karkat said.

            “I’m here.  Fill my red quadrant, KK; let me fill yours.”

            Karkat purred softly and started to pump faster.  Words faded from Sollux’s mind as Karkat became all he could feel.  He panted and started to sweat, heat and pleasure making him forget about everything else, making Karkat forget about everything else.  They had waited so long to be together.  Sollux had needed to wait; but Karkat had waited for him.  He had never left him.  He deserved everything Sollux could give him.  So he gave.

            Sollux had never had an orgasm like this.  When the pleasure spilled over the top it flowed out of him in wave after wave after wave, and as he lay in a condition of completely overwhelmed pleasure, he felt Karkat in the same state beside him.  They clutched at each other and shook, oblivious to the mess spreading around them and over them, oblivious to the pinging from Trollian, oblivious to everything but each other.  It lasted for more than ten minutes, and tapered off slowly, leaving them both in a dazed state of blissful, pitiful love.

            Sollux lay with his ear pressed to KK’s chest, listening to his heartbeat, enjoying the way the room moved up and down with the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed.  Eventually, he raised his head to look at his lover, and saw a dazed, affectionate expression that mirrored how he felt.

            “That was incredible.” he said.

            “Told you it would be.”

            Sollux leaned up and gave Karkat a gentle kiss on his lips, the stickiness that coated them making gross sounds as he shifted his body.

            “You so did not.  You let me wait until I was ready.”

            “You make it sound like it wasn’t a fuckton of bulgeteasing torture every day.”

            Sollux broke into a grin.

            “You loved it.”

            “Yeah, I loved it so much.  Can’t wait to go back to an aching bulge, craving Sollux Captor, then feeling guilty for it…”

            Sollux shut him up with another kiss.  He pulled back from it and gazed into Karkat’s eyes.

            “KK, shut up.” he said.  He was the only troll ever to have been born who could say that to Karkat- and have him listen.

            “KK, have a bonding ceremony with me.”

            Karkat’s jaw dropped open, exposing every one of his teeth in that expression that never failed to make Sollux laugh.

            “Did you just propose to me?”

            Sollux rolled his eyes.

            “‘Propose’ makes it sound like I asked you a question, and I’m not giving you any choices here.  If you want sex again, you’re gonna do a flushed bonding ceremony with me, so I can declare my overwhelming pity for you in front of all our friends.  So they know who it was who stole the red part of Sollux Captor’s heart.”

            Karkat put both of his hands on the back of Sollux’s head and pulled him into a heated, passionate kiss.  It lasted as long as they could stand it, before they both decided they were too gross and needed to start cleaning up the mess.

            Karkat decided that the first thing he would request for a bonding gift from Gamzee would be a pair of buckets.

 

            The day after their ceremony, Sollux didn’t crawl into his own recooperacoon, but into Karkat’s with him to sleep.  He didn’t like his anyway; it was full of bad memories and nightmares; he was certain that no matter how often he changed out the sopor it wouldn’t ever come clean.  He snuggled into Karkat’s arms, strong and loving and safe.  She was the absolute last thing on his mind, so when he saw her beckoning to him from a dream bubble, he grew angry.

            “I’m not afraid of you anymore!” he shouted across the abyss; but of course, she couldn’t hear him from so far away.  He seethed.  How dare she ruin his binding day?!  Confident that he knew he was really safe in Karkat’s arms, he stormed towards her; the dream of her bubble growing clearer as he got closer.  A beach formed around him, sunny and beautiful, the pale sand being washed over by gentle waves.  It smelled like fish and he felt sick from it; but not so violently that it stopped him.

            She was facing away from him now, sitting on a rock by the water’s edge.

            “Don’t you ignore me, Condesce!  I’m sick of you ruining my sleep; I don’t want you in my life!  Get out!” he screamed.  He ran down the beach, it was long; she was far away, but he ran towards her with determination this time.  He would banish her from his dreams for good; he was not afraid of her now.  He was strong and he knew it.  She was dead.  She could not hurt him.

            He finally came within hearing range of her, and he saw her finned ears perk up as she heard his footsteps in the water.  She turned around, and he stopped in his tracks.

            Kind, beautiful, smiling eyes and a loving face greeted him.

            “Sollux?”

            “Feferi?”

            She smiled wide and beautiful, leaping off of her rock to run towards him.  His heart shined with happiness as he swept her into his arms and spun her in a circle.  She giggled, the sound of her bubbly voice filling his heart with affection.  He nuzzled her face.  He gave her a kiss.  She tasted like the sea, like the ocean, and it was beautiful like she had always tasted.  Like joy and life and love.

            He realized he was crying.

            “Sollux, what’s the matter?  I’ve been waving to you for a long time, every time I see you, but you always run away!”

            “I…I…”

            It hadn’t been her.  It had never been her; she had never haunted his dreams.  Only the fears of his own mind had put her there.  It had been Feferi all this time. 

            “I thought you were your ancestor.” he said meekly.  “Coming back to get me.”

            She gasped and put her hands over her mouth.

            “Oh dear, you poor thing!  I’ve heard what she did to you.”

            He winced with embarrassment and turned his face away.

            “But you look so much better now!  You look happy, Sollux.”

            “I am.” he said, letting her lead him to her rock.  They sat beside each other and looked out over the sparkling water.  It was daytime, but the sun wasn’t searingly hot.  Dreams were nice, he thought.

            “I’m matesprits with Karkat, now.” he said. 

            “Oooh, I knew it!  I _knew_ it!” she said, giggling and kicking her feet.  “You two were always flirting all the time and I wondered how long it would be!”

            A smirk pulled up at the corner of his mouth.

            “Heh, yeah, we were both kinda stupid about that…”

            “Oh, you were both just kids, don’t even worry about it.  Look at you!  You must be seven sweeps by now!”

            “Heh, yeah, I am.”

            She giggled and smiled and clapped her hands, and he’d forgotten how bubbly and adorable she was.  He’d forgotten how kind she’d been.

            “Sollux, I am so happy for you!” she said.  “And don’t you worry about the Condesce.  She’s not here.  Your ancestor destroyed her.”

            “He…what?”

            She nodded emphatically, with a finality to the last nod.

            “Yes.  He had a huge grudge that had built up for a long long time and when he saw her here, he destroyed her with a psionic explosion.  It was all the talk for awhile.  Nothing exciting like that happens here much!”

            His ancestor.  Whom she had tortured for centuries had finally gotten his revenge.  Sollux felt a bond to him then.  They had worked together to destroy her; Sollux had killed her body, and Psiioniic had killed her spirit, and she was gone forever.  He was safe.  Forever.

            “Sollux, I am so, so glad to see you happy.” she said.  She leaned over and gave him a kiss on his cheek.  He smiled.

            “Me too.  Your dream is nice.”

            She laughed and hugged him, and then she started to fade.

            “Oh look, you’re waking up.  Well now that you know it’s me, I’ll see you again, okay?”

            “Okay!” he shouted, hoping she could hear him as he faded away.

            “Okay what? I didn’t say anything, nooksniffer.”

            Sollux opened his eyes to see Karkat snarling at him with a sleepy face.  Sollux snorted.

            “You have to think up some new insults, KK.  I’ll happily sniff your nook for you.” he said, tickling his fingers over Karkat’s ass.  Karkat snarled and cursed.  Sollux laughed.

            He was perfect.  Everything was perfect.  He was in love, and in hate.  He was whole, and he was safe, and he was finally, finally home.


End file.
